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Archive for the ‘Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country’ Category

I’m not a doctor. But I play the MDW (medical doctor’s wife) role now and then. Usually this fact doesn’t even come up, because when it does I have seen the change come over a person’s face. There is a slight leaning toward deferential, there is a wall erected, it gets in the way of things. One consequence of the MDW degree (and now the MDM, medical doctor’s mom) is that over the years, other people view me as having more medical knowledge in general, which is not true. I may be able to say “Homonomoushemianopsia” but it doesn’t mean I know all there is to know about it.

One thing I do know about is how intransigent this Congress has been, and I heard Bob say recently that Medicare reimbursement is taking a big hit in January. Then I heard that my brother’s primary care doctor stopped taking Medicare patients. So I set out to investigate. Now let’s just assume because it’s true, that ER physicians are a separate breed altogether. They donate almost 30% of their work to the poor. Overall, almost a third of patients who end up in the ER don’t have any insurance and are indigent. Can you think of any other business that writes off a third of their work? Emergency Medicine docs are the social safety net of our society.

But a Family Practice or Primary Care doc, he/she has spent the same amount of time being educated: 4 years of college, 4 years of med school, 3 years of residency and sometimes more when they get another fellowship. And now they are being asked to take a pay cut of 27% from Medicare. Around $168,000 is the average salary of your PC doc. A doctor’s income in a private practice is:
A – plus, what he/she takes in (payments)
B – minus expenses or overhead (staff, office space, electricity, malpractice, equipment).
Overhead runs on average 60% of a doc’s practice to about $259,000. It’s guns and butter, pretty basic economics. They are being asked to take a 65% cut in their salary because while their Medicare payments shrink by 27% their overhead costs will stay the same, or go up.

Are you still with me? If so, please consider letting your legislators know this has to come up for a vote before the holidays. http://capwiz.com/usdr/issues/alert/?alertid=57348501&queueid=%5Bcapwiz%3Aqueue_id%5D

http://www.thefiscaltimes.com/Articles/2011/11/23/Is-There-a-Doctor-Fix-in-the-House-and-Senate.aspx#page1

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No, I’m not talking about that sitcom with Betty White. The reference is to the 1980 debate between Ronald Reagan and Jimmy Carter. By all counts, the Great Deflector won the night at the Music Hall with his famous rhetorical question, “Are you better off than you were four years ago?” That was after dodging a bullet from Carter about cutting Medicare with, “There you go again.”

What a dismissive, insulting attitude. I always wonder at the GOP’s continual deification of Reagan. Some questions are just not fair, and that one was akin to “Have you stopped beating your wife?” If you answer in the affirmative, it means that you were indeed beating your wife; and if you take the negative route, well that presumes you still are…then you get stuck trying to prove that you didn’t beat her…or even think about it once or twice.

On 60 Minutes last night, for those not watching football, President Obama seemed to skirt the issue of the persistent drumbeat from the Right to make him a one term President. “…reversing a culture here in Washington dominated by special interests would take more than a year, more than two years, more than one term, probably take more than one president.”

It’s enough to make you squirm, these debates. Reform in Washington? It’s a systemic nightmare. The patient, democracy, is morbidly ill. But I like this Rolling Stone reporter’s take on money and government: http://smirkingchimp.com/author/matt_taibbi
And I like Little Stevie’s latest pledge drive; “I, The Undersigned, pledge to overturn Buckley v. Valeo and eliminate all private finance from the electoral process, thusly restoring America to it’s democratic principles.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/steven-van-zandt/democracy-in-america_b_1139463.html

The Rockers do have a point! Are we better off? Let’s think of a better question.

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Bravo to the Parlor Mob! iTunes named their latest record, “Dogs,” Rock Album of the Year. This means that Apple music editors really really loved it, it has nothing to do with sales. Except that remember that single I loved, Hard Enough? Word is it’s sold more than a quarter million copies!

Hopefully this honor will get them noticed. And maybe, just maybe, nominated for other awards; the kind where red carpets are involved.
http://www.roadrunnerrecords.com/news/The-Parlor-Mobs-Dogs-Is-iTunes-Rock-Album-Of-The-Year-23854.aspx

So what is the cost these guys pay for sticking with their beliefs? They leave their families on holidays to tour in support of their music, they lay tile and deliver pizza so they can work at a job that let’s them go at a moment’s notice, they play with and support their musician friends up and down the Jersey Shore. They fight to have a friend produce their album instead of a company hire. I can’t remember a time when I was visiting my son and somebody wasn’t living on their couch. In fact that’s the first time I met the bass player.

They don’t throw TVs out of windows or swing from the steel girders on stage. They look tough but in fact are the kindest, most generous band of brothers. I love each and every one of them. And to my son the Rocker, I want you to know how very proud I am of you. Here he is with the Bride at the rehearsal dinner. He’s kinda cute with a beard!

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What does a therapist, a lawyer and a retired travel agent have in common with a 30 Rock actor and frequent guest host of SNL? They were all escorted off their flights for speaking inappropriately or disrespectfully or maybe just plain speaking to a beleaguered flight attendant who was having a very bad day. In Palm Beach, the semantic scuffle started over an AirTran attendant’s baggage handling skills; and according to Alec Baldwin in LA, the American attendant “…reamed me out 4 playing WORDS WITH FRIENDS!” It was all over his refusal to turn off his electronic device aka cell phone. “Fair is foul, and foul is fair” Shakespeare.

Because I am a devout word nerd, I play Words with Friends. This is the one and only online game I do play and it is just with the Bride. We like it because we can play around her hectic schedule without time constraints. Bob, otoh, loves to play Suduko by himself on his iPad, in the travel magazine or wherever he can find a puzzle. We were both sitting on a US Air flight out of Charlotte, NC recently when the attendant announced that passengers should turn off their electronic devices. My cell was off and stowed away but I kept reading on my Kindle, thinking that because it was not connected by wifi at the time it would not interfere with avionics…wrong. Well actually pilot Bob said it wouldn’t, but I listened to the attendant when she specifically told me to “Turn It Off!” We had a very nice exchange actually – and this was after experiencing a rough pat down at the security gate.

What’s the take away? We have no rights people when we buy a commercial airline ticket. We agree to be mauled, xrayed and treated like cattle, “You, that line, you wait over here….” But I would like to propose that airline attendants receive specialized training in social skills, in anger management, in plain old fashioned courtesy. In fact we may all benefit from reading a book my psychologist brother Jim told me about, “Crucial Conversations.”

“Learn how to keep your cool and get the results you want when emotions flare. When stakes are high, opinions vary…” Start with your heart, oh and Happy Holidays. No I’m not ready for Christmas just in case you thought of asking….

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It was about the time of his first divorce. The headline read, “Best sex I’ve ever had!” And it was rumored his model girlfriend was waiting in a private box. Yes siree, we met the Donald once at a Vikings football game.

Now he’s buying up a respected family vineyard in Cville and about to moderate yet another GOP debate. If they could tell me something other than “Obama will be a one term President,” or “No taxes on the 1% or corporations,” or “We’re going to demolish Obamacare,” I might actually listen.

Millions of people are out of work, millions face foreclosure, and all because of greed; a deal is a deal is a deal! It was around 1990. There is a picture of my brother Mike (aka Mr Big and then Vikings President/Manager), the Donald and an 11 year old girl. Even though I’ve tossed the house I can’t seem to find it. Maybe it was given to the Groom’s Mom for the rehearsal dinner? It is prescient that this picture was taken around Halloween – the Bride was wearing her skeleton earrings? Scary right? Check back, It’s sure to turn up.

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She enters left, strutting her tight red dress, dirty Barbie stuff. To 80’s music, she performs a naughty strip tease with the doll, throwing tiny Barbie heels at the audience. She is Denise Stewart in a Smurfette tee and in just over an hour, she will have you laughing about her North Carolina, youngest-of-four childhood and tearing up over her loving Mother’s inability to quit drinking. She grew up under the tender eyes of Southern neighborhood women, who folded her into their families without taming her spirit. Thankfully.

Her play, Dirty Barbie and other Girlhood Tales is an ode to growing up female and made me think of my own parenting. A feminist has a baby girl who wants to become a cheerleader and is allergic to dust mites, ie no stuffed toys. Barbie became my daughter’s companion out of necessity – she was plastic, and you could wash her clothes.

But I was always secretly worried about the underlying message; the sexual undertow of pretty is all you’ll ever need to be in this world honey.

Barbie appeared in 1959 so I was immune to her wily ways. Plus I was a tomboy, when being a tomboy was something to be proud of…I even punched a mean boy in the face with my ice cream cone once. Notice the red Wayfarers and sexy white popcorn socks on this young Mom in her kid totem!

When Barbie started building her career over the years, becoming everything from an astronaut, to a firefighter, and even a rock star I felt slightly better about her influence. And yes Denise you’re right. Mattel will probably never make a Bipolar, Bulimic or Binge Drinking Barbie. Still, I’m so glad she broke up with Ken.
For possible tix to a sold out show: http://www.livearts.org/
For ideas on gifts other than Barbie: http://www.girlsforachange.org/

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I had a very bad dream once in my first marriage. My ex was driving, it was night, and we were heading down this road that looked like Van Gogh’s painting of a Lane of Poplar Trees.

The headlights on the car were dimming, did I mention my ex was driving? The darkness was creeping closer and closer until I was engulfed in blank emptiness. Suffocating for air, I awoke thinking I had died. Something did die that night, or maybe it was slowly ebbing away for years. What made me think about it, was my lunch with friends yesterday. Fresh off a plane and back in Cville, we lingered and talked of our other lives.

After a vacation, people often experience a re-entry phenomenon. Returning to real life jobs, laundry, the day to day things that usually go unnoticed. For some, this can be a difficult transition. Everything is louder and faster in the real world. But right now, for me, I feel as if I’ve gained a new perspective. I slowed down yesterday driving home, rounding the corner of my country road I stopped and looked up at the coral colored clouds. There were about twenty hawks circling, swooping, gliding and generally having fun riding a thermal of mountain air that gently lifted them up into their current of winged wonder. I was so entranced I didn’t even think to haul out my camera; I sat in my car, opened the sunroof, transfixed.

Artists can demonstrate perspective with a lane of trees. But for us to feel it, now that’s something else again.

My friend Ann went to the theater last night after lunch to see Denise Stewart’s “Dirty Barbie.” She told me I’m going to LOVE it since I’ll be going Saturday night. Here is an interview with Denise about slowing down to pursue her passion. Congrats Denise and big thanks to Christine Hohlbaum my blogger-mentors. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-slow/201106/dirty-barbie-and-other-dreams
Slowness may be counter intuitive, but oh so true.

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Weather can be fickle It can close airports and reschedule flights. When four adult children manage to stand-by and catch flights home only a day late, we managed to extend our vacation by finding an all-inclusive resort on a beach next to the airstrip. They put us out on the farthest end of their property, pointed us toward the free bar, and provided hot showers. Thank you Dutch side.

Whenever I return from vacation, I’m always surprised by the abundance of life in these United States. I am returning to the crazy Christmas season. Reuse and recycle is my mantra – maybe even regift?

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Today we return to the real world. We say “a Bientot” to our French friends, the turtles, the sand and the most beautiful island on earth. At home I’ll cuddle Ms Bean and call the MIL. And I’ll try very hard to hold on to this feeling of slow.

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We’ve been enjoying a tropical Thanksgiving week on an island in the French West Indies. I am grateful for the beautiful weather, the warm Carribean sea, and my little family of six. With the Rocker’s touring schedule and the Newlywed’s Chief year, it’s a wonder we could all manage to vacation together and I am acutely aware of this moment. Below is the view out our kitchen window. breathe…

We also feed the family of turtles who live under the pool. They absolutely love bananas and today we found a baby turtle. We’ve taken to naming them and they like to follow us around. The baby will let us
pet him. If you would like to know the sex of a Turtle, just ask us! I’m hoping to see an iguana before we leave. Here is Maude and Cb with the baby tortue (turtle in French).

And now for the Hare. I’m currently reading “The Hare with Amber Eyes.” I am 71 percent finished since the Kindle tells me so. My friend Diane the art historian told me about this non-fiction book. Without giving too much away, it’s the story of a very wealthy Jewish family and their collection of tiny Japanese bibelots called “netsuke.” These are small carvings of ivory and wood depicting country scenes like rabbits, rats, and turtles, even fishermen with nets. Beautifully intricate delicate beyond imagination, these netsuke were the only thing saved from the Nazis for a great nephew. The author, Edmund de Waal, weaves his family history into the political landscape of pre-WWII with compelling results

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