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Posts Tagged ‘health’

Confounding

Posted in Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on September 23, 2025| 2 Comments »

Last night the Pumpkin lit the candles and the Love Bug said the blessing over the round, braided challah that Bob had baked that very afternoon. In Jewish families around the world a New Year has begun; we take stock of our lives, we dip apples in honey. I tried some Sephardic recipes for a change along with an apple cider Bundt cake that miraculously slid out of its fluted pan! Lately my cakes have clung to the sides of my cake pans, so much so that Bob actually lined the bottom of a cake I made for a visiting/Parisian/doctor/friend of the Groom… and then buttered the parchment paper!

It’s rather confounding since I never used to have this problem with my carrot cakes.

And naturally the discussion at the Rosh Hashanah table veered into the ever more confounding and comical – had anyone watched the presser on Tylenol and autism? Our cousin Paul brought us all (including two ER docs and an Attending ICU Intensivist at Vanderbilt) up to date – Mr T couldn’t even pronounce acetaminophen, and he told pregnant women to “tough it out” if they had a fever. Never mind that a high fever in pregnancy increases the risk of birth defects. Never mind that scientists for years have not found any causal link between acetaminophen and autism which is a multifactorial disease with known genetic factors.

“Many of the studies included in the new review “did not necessarily go to the greatest lengths to account for possible confounders,” Dr. Brian Lee, a professor of epidemiology at Drexel University, said, referring to other factors that might explain a potential link. “And the biggest elephant in the room here,” he added, “is genetic confounding, because we know autism, A.D.H.D. and other neurodevelopmental disorders are highly heritable.” https://www.nytimes.com/2025/09/22/health/kennedy-autism-tylenol-trump.html?unlocked_article_code=1.oE8.mzwn.aB4TzcsT3X6l&smid=url-share

Confounding variables may be my favorite phrase for the new year. We have a government touting pseudo-science; so do we have an actual increase in autism, or have we just expanded the definition so much that we have more autism diagnoses – or are we just reporting more as our population increases? It would be unethical to conduct double-blind studies on pregnant women, and so we must try and collect postpartum data which may have a host of differing variables including but not limited to medication, nutrition, addictive substances, living near a Superfund site, and genetic predispositions. Not to mention unintentional selection bias!

Today our President will speak to the United Nations. I would not trust anything that came out of his mouth, I am disillusioned and disheartened with Israel and I’m afraid our country is standing on a precipice. Will we be on the wrong side of history? Today God opens the book:  “…each year on this day “all inhabitants of the world pass before G‑d like a flock of sheep,” and it is decreed in the heavenly court “who shall live, and who shall die … who shall be impoverished and who shall be enriched; who shall fall and who shall rise.”

I woke this morning to a welcoming rain. I thought of my beautiful Granddaughter reciting the prayer over the bread, and I can be grateful to have lived through this last year. To witness her BatMitzvah. To light the Yahrzeit candle for my Mother-in-Law and my Brother-in-Law. To welcome twin baby Granddaughters into the world. To set the table with the good china.

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Quackery

Posted in Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 26, 2025| 4 Comments »

There’s a chill in the air! My neighbor Les has moved, the Bat Mitzvah is fast approaching, and the Twins have turned six months. I’m never very good with change, but the cooler temperatures are certainly welcome. I’ve packed away my swimsuits and Bob and I are ready for our Fall jabs – you know, the annual Influenza and Covid vaccines. We wanted to get them a little early since the Love Bug’s big day will be full of friends and family fresh off airplanes. But guess what?

No such luck.

The 2025 Covid booster has been approved and manufactured in the US, except for some odd reason (RFK Jr) they have NOT been distributed yet! The Covid booster is nowhere to be found. Oh well, but if you search around, you might be able to find last year’s Covid vaccine… I hear the new flu shot is available though, which is great news since the L’il Pumpkin just found out the friend he played soccer with after school yesterday has the flu. Yep, flu and Covid are ramping up in Nashville.

And then I bumped into this article: “As Trump Weighs IVF, Republicans Back ‘New Natural’ Approach to Infertility.” https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/21/us/politics/trump-ivf-restorative-reproductive-medicine.html?unlocked_article_code=1.hE8.b_ok.-tvmuQ3oUKjI&smid=url-share

Just when you think the MAHA movement can’t get any wonkier, when you realize that the Kennedy name has lost its lustre, the GOP decides to push “restorative reproductive medicine.” After Mr T promised to make IVF available for everyone on the campaign trail, Christian Conservatives are having trouble dealing with those pesky, left-over embryos. It all started with Alabama’s Supreme Court Decision last year calling embryos “unborn children located outside of a biological uterus.” So they’ve come up with an alternative – they believe couples should look at the ‘root causes’ of infertility, like endometriosis or say environmental factors.

Hey, Catholics have been pushing a “natural” method of birth control for centuries. Why not return to the 19th Century, where charlatans in traveling caravans sold snake oil? Where polio and measles and flu killed thousands upon thousands of children each year. I’ve stopped making jokes about RFK Jr’s parasitic brain worm, but I still think that making him Secretary of the US Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) was a cringe-worthy, dirty trick. Here are just a few of his baseless views:

 “Wi-Fi causes cancer and “leaky brain”; that school shootings are attributable to antidepressants; that chemicals in water can lead to children becoming transgender; and that AIDS may not be caused by HIV. He’s also long said that vaccines cause autism and fail to protect people from diseases.”

And speaking of school shootings, our Grands had a bomb threat at their school the first week back, complete with FBI agents and bomb-sniffing dogs. It turned out to be nothing, but is terrifying none-theless. I remembered waiting for the all clear from a lockdown at the Twins’ NICU in the spring. The Twins are currently loving solid food! And thanks to the miracle of IVF and our iPhones, we can watch them in happy baby pose and rolling over, trying to crawl. After their measles vaccine, they will be able to travel on a plane!

That is, if our country can manage to stay in the 21st Century.


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Vertigo

Posted in Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country, tagged , , , , , , , , , on August 19, 2025| 2 Comments »

The nurse asked me yesterday if I’d broken any bones in the last few months. I had to think…. We were at Vandy. I was hooked up to a machine delivering my annual “life-saving” bone-building medicine Reclast. Bob was sitting next to me, on his iPad and we’d been puzzling over Connections in the New York Times. We were settling in for over an hour’s wait as this miraculous infusion worked its way through my veins. It should have been an easy question, Bob immediately said “No.”

He also said “No” when I opened my iPad to the NYTimes and announced that we could watch Mr T’s meeting LIVE with President Zelensky and European leaders at the White House. My husband is well on his way to becoming an official curmudgeon! He wasn’t always like this. Over the years, people would tell me that Bob wasn’t like most physicians; after all, he translated medical speak into normal language, and he was so laid-back and easy-going.

I mean, how many doctors do you know who drove an old school bus to Woodstock? He was the exact opposite of a curmudgeon, “a bad-tempered, difficult, cantankerous (old man) person.”

“What about my clavicle?” I said. My last broken bone was my right clavicle which I never mentioned before dear reader because after the Big Fall last year, preceding the second election of a disgraced, twice impeached, indicted president, that resulted in a broken neck and hands, I was too embarrassed. It hardly seemed relevant. We’d returned from LA in May after the twins were born, and I went to see the dentist. After putting my chair back, positional vertigo took hold resulting in my tipping over later that day and BANG. Broken clavicle.

Coupled with osteoporosis, vertigo is my enemy.

On occasion, the ceiling would spin when laying down after a severe cold. I learned not to pay much attention to that because in a family of doctors These. Things. Happen; a virus can linger and it’s best to just ignore such symptoms. Which I did because they always went away. Until the vertigo continued that day, after the dentist visit. My sister Kay has had  Meniere’s disease for most of her life, and I wondered if this was it. Am I doomed to a chronic disease of the inner ear that will make my world spin out of control at the drop of a hat?

Since the last presidential election, I’ve been caught up in this healing journey. After all, my personal scaffolding was collapsing and I had to concentrate on building strength and resilience. But the fact is, this administration is intent on carving away many of our cultural and social norms, on deconstructing our civil rights. Political theatre captures our imagination; the GOP courts Russia on Friday and the EU on Monday. Hypocrisy much? There is nothing to see here, Mr T didn’t “rape” his victim – he was convicted of sexual abuse and defaming E Jean Carroll. We have a president who sues anyone and everyone, a despot. Academic institutions, main stream media, and large corporate law firms are bending their knees.

This country is experiencing communal vertigo, deluged by a slew of alternative facts and fear. Russia DID invade Ukraine! The BBC’s headline – “Ukraine’s President Zelensky managed to avoid another disastrous Oval Office meeting with Donald Trump,” says it all. The Epstein case retreats as more shiny objects are thrown into the mix. We are trying to find a life line, a way to keep this fledgling Democracy from toppling over. And I am hoping that positional vertigo is simply a phase, and my bones will continue to heal.

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Saving Souls

Posted in Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on May 20, 2025| Leave a Comment »

It’s rainy and thundering this morning in Nashville. Can I just say again, I HATE tornado season. But dogs must be walked, so my Grand Dogs just came for a visit.

A little rain never stopped me from strolling Ms Bean, all I needed was an umbrella and my old sneakers! And speaking of weather-aware footwear, I’m happy to report the Love Bug has chosen her Bat Mitzvah project; she’s asking her family and friends to donate gently used shoes (or money if you prefer) to the non-profit, Nashville Soles4Souls. I’ll have to look through my shoe rack since my options have been limited to flats and sneakers, I’m sure I’ve got a few fancy heels I’ve hardly worn.

The Bug was surprised to learn that I wore Weejun loafers all the time and ‘kitten’ sling-back heels to dress up in college. Back in the 60s, we had to wear a skirt on the streets of Boston – no pants for us. And one pair of Keds was essential for dressing down. Not sure I ever wore high heels. I was happy to read that Kristen Stewart changed the rules for female footwear on the red carpet a few years ago by throwing off her stilettos! Supercilious symbols of sex appeal!

Tweens of today have the right idea. Most wear sneakers with anything and everything. I mean, if a retro pair of Converse was good enough for our almost Madame President… I’ve been wearing Asics for decades; through tennis, paddle ball, dance aerobics, and even a try at pickle ball, my gel-cushioned Asics have stood the test of time. Sneaker brand loyalty is definitely a thing. I once tried wearing a pair of HOKA sneaks I found on sale, and was nearly crippled! In fact, that pair can be donated if I didn’t already give them to the Bride – we wear the same size!

“As Soles4Souls, we give goods a second life—and people a second chance. Whether you’re donating, fundraising, or volunteering, your support reaches people near and far—helping those in crisis, empowering entrepreneurs, and reducing waste.” https://soles4souls.org/volunteer

This feels like my second chance at life, a do-over. Ever since the dreaded erev election fall, I’ve sworn off lug soles and slip-on mules. Did I ever tell you, after our Year of Living Dangerously, the Flapper could only wear chunky, two inch heels? The car’s engine had crushed her legs, and after months of immobility, when she was finally allowed to walk, one leg had healed two inches shorter than the other. My Mother simply adjusted her gait rather than limp.

My heart goes out to President Joe Biden and his family after his cancer diagnosis. Two Catholic kids from Scranton, PA, our stories are strangely similar. Only my Father died before the car accident that changed the trajectory of my family’s life. His wife and daughter were killed when a truck hit her car just weeks before Biden was sworn into the Senate. How does one go on after the unthinkable happens? Of course I was too young to understand. My foster parents were my guardian angels.

I wish Joe well on this next chapter. It is an opportunity to be honest with the American people, to let down his guard. As for me, I’ll put on my pink penny loafers and soldier on.

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Cheerio!

Posted in Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on February 4, 2025| 6 Comments »

Today’s the day. It’s been three months since my family room fall. Today I see the spine doctor for X-rays of my neck – extension and flexion or tilting my head up and down. My fracture at C2, sometimes called a hangman’s fracture, has not exactly healed. It’s difficult if not impossible for older people to grow new bone, but the doctor tells me that fibrous tissue has bridged the gap, like a spider’s web of scar tissue. “No more roller coasters for you,” he tells me.

“And no bumper cars!”

I should feel lucky, if not downright jubilant that I’ll be free of the cervical Aspen collar. Goodbye, Ciao, Cheerio! So why do I feel conflicted?

Yesterday I shared a table for lunch with a widow. Her opening question, “What happened to you?” wasn’t new. Most people assume it was surgery that resulted in this head immobilization. But Bob had to leave to take a call, and before long the young widow and I were immersed in a deep conversation about life, our daughters, the choices we make, and her fall (totally alone and without her phone) off a ladder in the small storage unit of her high-rise condo in the Gulch.

INTERMISSION FOR 9 AM DOCTOR APPOINTMENT

I’ve just returned from the doctor collar-free. I had a rendezvous with death, but I tricked the grim reaper. My head is sitting on its axis just fine. Here’s a little anatomy lesson:

“The axis, also known as the epistropheus, is the second cervical vertebra (C2) that has some similarities to a typical cervical vertebra but is categorized as an atypical vertebra because of its unique features. Its most characteristic feature is the prominent superior projection known as the dens axis, or odontoid process. The dens axis plays an important function for the movement of the head, acting as a stable pivot around which the atlas and head rotate.“

It figures that I broke an atypical vertebra. Last week was my last hand therapy appointment, so now what do I do? I’m not allowed to drive for a few months, or play football…. “tackle” football. I started a book in California, “The Last Lecture,” by Randy Pausch, that I’d like to finish. He received a terminal cancer diagnosis and his book is a look back at his exceptional life. If you’ve never heard of him, check this out:

I guess my joy at being cut-loose from doctors and therapy is being blunted by the daily assaults on our democratic process by a president who would be king. The Groom’s critical care funding from NIH may be in jeopardy. One of their friends who works for the government has been asked to sign a “loyalty” pledge. This is real, Mr T’s crazy missives, his crazier “special government employee” Elon’s directives are all engineered to foment fear. Do not lose faith. It’s time to pull out those old pink pussy hats and resist dear readers.

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Disingenuous

Posted in Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on January 4, 2025| 4 Comments »

I’d like to propose a word for last year: “Disingenuous.” It’s a word that’s stuck in my head, like a piece of music can get stuck in your ear.

Maybe it’s just aging – the way one word slips out of your mind every time you try to recall it, while another word decides to stay awhile. Does this happen to you? I can never remember the name of my favorite drug for instance, it’s an anti-inflammatory like Advil or Aleve but it doesn’t start with an “A.” I can’t won’t take opioids for pain, but this little pill does the trick. And as you know, 2024 has brought me a lot of pain. Its brand name is “Celebrex!”

“Celecoxib is a nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID) used to treat mild to moderate pain and help relieve symptoms of arthritis (eg, osteoarthritis, rheumatoid arthritis, or juvenile rheumatoid arthritis), such as inflammation, swelling, stiffness, and joint pain.”  https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/celecoxib-oral-route/description/drg-20068925

I call this my wonder drug, and yet its name still eludes me. Celebrex lasts for twenty-four hours and doesn’t upset the stomach as much as other NSAIDs, but you do need an Rx. OTOH, I just watched an ad on TV of a young guy falling down, injuring his back, and calling AMAZON to Facetime a doctor and have his prescription delivered right to his door – all while lying flat on his back on the kitchen floor. Doctor and pharmacy visit avoided.

I wondered if the MD or NP on the phone was an AI for a second.

Which leads me right to the next word – the one that is stuck in my head – Disingenuous. To be disingenuous is to be untrustworthy, dishonest, deceitful. You can tell I HATE AI. It’s enough to make me a Luddite. Last year’s election, and the time before that when another exceptional woman wasn’t elected President, has left me bereft. My physical ailments notwithstanding, I feel as if our country has lost its way. Maybe it started with “alternative truth.” Bob has a problem with putting a possessive pronoun in front of truth to begin with… so this is MY truth? Listen to ME! For me, a fact… is a fact… is a fact.

And aging is a part of this circle of life. I’m not injecting toxic chemicals in my body to “fight” aging, because aging always wins. As I enter the last quarter century of my time here on earth, I am determined to slow down and simplify my life. In a Buddhist sense, I want 2025 to be my “aimless” year – no more running after happiness, simply cherish the present moment. I – you – we are enough. In that mood, I don’t need another dog. After Ms Bean died, I started questioning that decision, thinking maybe a lap dog would be fun. But no, it would also create chaos.

And no more disingenuous people please. No more two-faced politicians, like that Republican Senator from Louisiana with an unlikely name, John Kennedy, who stood disdainfully near the podium at a news conference after the New Year’s NOLA terrorist attack. He ridiculed an NBC reporter, and suggested there was some conspiracy the federal government was hiding, and that pure “evil” exists in the world. Old fire and brimstone, just another old white guy giving us all a scolding in an affected voice like Foghorn Leghorn.

The word for the New Year in our family is Twins! Congratulations to Aunt Kiki and the Rocker, their double feature is due in the spring. I’ve got a few weeks left of hand therapy and another baby blanket to knit, but I cannot wait to meet them.

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Hands Free

Posted in Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , on December 17, 2024| 4 Comments »

Yesterday my wrist splint came off so I’m hands free! Still doing PT but feeling lighter, like a bobble head doll stuck in a cage and not so much a soft shell crab.

To celebrate, I made the mistake of watching Rachel Maddow last night with Bob. It was either that or the Menendez Brothers’ story on Netflix. She was all about the OLIGARCHS, a word I thought was Russian; but actually Aristotle first used the term in relation to a coercive, oppressive rule by the rich, as opposed to an aristocracy. Its modern day usage centers on the corrupt control of government after the fall of the Soviet Union by extremely wealthy citizens.

“…one of a small group of powerful people who control a country or an industry.”

And what Maddow was saying last night was wake up and smell what’s happening right now in our country. We saw Elon Musk attached at the hip to Mr T, basically buying his way into political influence at a time when legislators are about to pass a bill about collecting (or NOT collecting) data on driverless cars, mostly Teslas. Maddow showed footage of a full self-driving (FSD) Tesla that stopped short in a tunnel causing a nine car pile-up. One FSD Tesla went around a stopped school bus and plowed into a child. There have been at least 13 fatal accidents since this hands-free feature debuted on Thanksgiving Day 2022.

I was reminded of the ability of gun lobbyists to keep the NIH from collecting data on gun deaths.

But for my own sanity, I prefer to think of all the things I can do now with my own two hands: I can knit, I can wash my own hair, I can open some bottles, and brushing my teeth is a lot easier! Maybe I should try flossing? I won’t be able to drive for six months but that’s because of my neck – another month in the C collar with no sudden twists or turns for me.

Maddow introduced a Yale Professor of History last night, Timothy Snyder, to discuss our current state of affairs. His current book, “On Freedom,” follows a seminal work about oligarchs titled, “On Tyranny,” and attempts to deliver strategies for democracies to avoid authoritarianism. He told us we must not keep looking back, but instead hold the GOP accountable each and every day for their twisted policies; you know like separation of families at the border.

“…he identifies five key determinants of a truly free society – and it seems highly appropriate that those tenets can be counted on the fingers of one definitely raised fist. Each one leads to the next. The foundation is sovereignty (not the resolve of narrow nationalists but the creation of political conditions in which individuals are safe and enabled to make meaningful choices about their lives, underwritten by empathy). That in turn leads to “unpredictability”, the freedom to behave in ways that authority (and algorithms) cannot control; and mobility (the possibility for young people, in particular, to “break free of the structures (and people) that allowed them to become [sovereign]”. That is only possible with the freedom of “factuality” (“the grip on the world that allows us to challenge it” – Snyder makes a particularly impassioned argument about the devastating effect of local news deserts on democracy); and finally, “solidarity”, the recognition that these freedoms are not just for the privileged 0.1%, but for everyone.” https://www.theguardian.com/books/2024/sep/23/on-freedom-by-timothy-snyder-review-an-essential-manifesto-for-change

So I am 2/3 free at the moment with just an Aspen aka Cervical Collar on my neck. I want to stay optimistic, I’m determined to keep typing, to keep you informed of my family foibles and all the while shine a light on our paradoxical politics. Merry Everything Everyone!

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Another Distraction

Posted in Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country, tagged , , on December 10, 2024| 2 Comments »

We are a distracted world. Look around you, wherever you go, people are looking down at their phones. In France, most everyone walks around tethered to their phones by a lariat around the neck, all ages and genders – exactly like Grandma Ada and her assisted-living cohorts.

Not me. I lose my phone on a regular basis. For awhile I liked the whole Millennial, ‘shove it into your back jean’s pocket’ approach; but after a near drowning in the toilet and the switch to yoga pants I’ve just given up. The worst is when I’ve switched off the ringer, which i do on a regular basis, then all bets are off. I might find it poised on the toaster in the kitchen, or buried in the bedsheets! Bob, the Saint of Lost Things, usually saves the day.

The Groom thinks losing my cell is a good sign, it means I’m not so attached to a screen. I thought it meant early onset dementia.

This morning I got a bit of bad news at the spine doctor’s office. He pulled up the CT scan from the day of my injury over a month ago and compared it to the one taken yesterday. It looks like the odontoid fracture of my neck (C2), isn’t healing as well as we all hoped. He wants me to wear my cervical (C) collar for another month and then we can reevaluate – surgery is still a possibility. Living in a state of flux, not knowing if I’m one wrong step away from disaster, is not what I wanted to hear.

“I don’t like the distraction,” the doctor said.

In orthopedic speak, a distraction is the separation of the odontoid via the longitudinal axis. It was a small chasm on the computer screen between the fulcrum that allows my head to turn. My eyes could see it, but my brain wasn’t processing his words. He was explaining the types of surgery he might attempt on my balsa bones and I’m sure Bob was listening but I’d tuned out. The holidays would go on without me.

Like Scarlett O’Hara, I’ll deal with that next year.

It’s warming up again here in Nashville, from 17 degrees to 57 in a few days, so I can walk outside which is my best therapy. We all walked to the Farmers Market on Saturday after a quick breakfast of Nutella crepes at the Bride’s house. It was a beautiful, sunny crisp day. She whipped her scarf around my neck to hide the dreaded C collar and we laughed to think I could look semi-normal. The good news is I can sleep with a soft collar now.

Have you heard that Australia is banning social media for children under the age of 16? That high schools that ban cell phones are happier places – less disciplinary calls and more student achievement? I think I’ll keep my phone on silent for a few days, let Bob turn his notifications on. Also, I’m less likely to be scammed. Let me know what you’re streaming since I’m all about distracting myself this holiday season.

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Fingers OUT

Posted in Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country, tagged , , , , , , , , , on November 19, 2024| 3 Comments »

The past two weeks have been surreal. One moment I’m toiling away happily at the NYTimes Strands puzzle, and the next I’m laying flat out on the floor. Time and bones fractured. I like to blame things for my maladies – the mosquito for West Nile, the coughing stranger on a plane to Nice for Covid. But this time, I can only blame myself. It was early morning, I was holding my phone and rushing to the door to corral an escaped Little Emperor when my Ugg slipper caught on the rug.

The day before the election I spent in my daughter’s ER. That whole day went by in a blur of x-rays and a neck MRI. The spine NP wanted to admit me, but the neurosurgeon showed up and discharged me into the care of two ER docs! The next morning I woke to the election results – “President Elect Donald Trump.” My cervical collar, my splinted hands, was this all a nightmare? Was I still dreaming? I didn’t want to believe the news and so I told myself that I’d wait until all the votes were counted. Besides, I was due in surgery for my left hand, no coffee no food just Gatorade. I turned off the TV. I couldn’t handle (get it, handle) anything other than the next step in my recovery.

We had to wait a week for repeat scans, thankfully I wouldn’t need neck surgery.

Denial is a powerful tool. Bob would not listen to any election post-mortems, and our daughter is following suit. I’m not willing to go into the weeds of WHY Kamala lost – numbers, ethnicity, socio-economic standing. But this is who we are… this is who we Americans are and where we are right now. The Bride helped me to understand this on a cellular level one night early on when I was going out of my mind with panic, feeling choked by the C-collar and imprisoned by pain. She talked me through in her physician/yoga voice, telling me to embrace my suffering because this is where I am right now... right now… but not forever.

We are still on a news sabbatical, watching Netflix and The First Ladies on PBS, walking outside for exercise whenever possible. I have the best neighbors, delivering the most delicious soups, breads and treats and of course the Bride shows up every day mainly to support her father who has been the real hero in this drama. Along with my left hand, my right wrist is also fractured so Bob right now is both of my hands.

If you recall, he had to wear a C collar for months after his neck surgery that resulted in a cerebellar stroke and I now have a new respect for his strength and resilience. If all goes well, I should be out of my ‘cone of shame’ by mid-December. Meanwhile, my emotions have run the gamut from self-loathing for wearing fancy lug-soled Ugg slippers, to such incredible gratitude for my network of friends and family.

I heard one interview on CNN of a middle-aged couple who came here illegally from Mexico and were granted asylum under Reagan. Their adult children were living the American dream – college educated, good jobs etc. when the reporter asked them why they voted for T they said, “Because these immigrants are criminals!” Can you guess where they get their news?

We Democrats are all suffering through the stages of a collective grief; but my reality right now is singular. I am grieving the loss of my youth when I could slide into second base at Camp St Joseph with ease. I remember vividly twirling around on my knees and sweeping the floor with my hands at the Martha Graham Dance Studio. My body has betrayed me and now my country seems to be hell bent on doing the same.

The only other time my body wouldn’t cooperate with my brain was when we were trying to have baby number two. I had to learn to let go, I had to become the trapeze artist and trust in the safety net beneath me. The Rocker’s birth was a miracle and I have future grandbabies to consider, I need to practice dancing to Adelaide’s lament. “I love you a bushel and a peck you bet your pretty neck I do.”

We took the Harris-Walz signs off our yard but kept the American flag flying on the porch. You can still love your country even when it seems to be slipping away from its foundation right now. I can remove the left splint and move all my fingers so I decided to get a manicure – a rare luxury for me. But we must practice gratitude this Thanksgiving and every single day. Now more than ever.

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Sequestered

Posted in Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country, tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 22, 2024| Leave a Comment »

Yesterday, Bob took me out for a ride. We drove through a McDonalds for two fish sandwiches like two old people, then we came home where I could lay in an anti-gravity chair in the warm sun. You see, within 48 hours of arriving home from France and visiting a dentist to have my tooth replaced, I tested positive once again for Covid. Rebound Covid. Nearly 50% of people, taking Paxlovid or not, will experience rebound – in fact, Joe Biden got it again! Only this time, the second time around, one cannot take Paxlovid; you’re required to just suffer in silent isolation.

What to do, what to do? During the first few days I simply existed with a brown paper bag sitting next to me filling up with tissues. I was counting the hours between Tylenol and sleep, sweet, sweat-drenched sleep. On Air France I watched “The Regime” with Kate Winslet, where she plays a wild and disinhibited dictator of some fictional European country, but back in the States my appetite changed. Now I needed pablum – we’ve started watching “The Good Place” on Netflix and it’s exactly right. And once the fever broke, I started reading again.

This month’s Atlantic must have read my feebled mind, the cover story is titled “The Case Against Pessimism; the West has to Believe That Democracy will Prevail,” by Anne Applebaum.

“Since 2018, more than 116,000 Russians have faced criminal or administrative punishment for speaking their mind. Thousands of them have been punished specifically for objecting to the war in Ukraine. Their heroic battle is mostly carried out in silence. Because the regime has imposed total control on information in Russia, their voices cannot be heard.”

Applebaum makes the case for war, and I never thought I’d agree with such a premise, but fascism in the form of Putin today, is on the march. Fascism hides beneath many names: Sovietization, Russification and even a German word: Gleichschaltung. She posits that IF Germany had armed Ukraine in 2014 when Russia first invaded Crimea, if the West had not looked away, this current war might not have happened. And now, after the full-scale invasion of 2022 and initial call to help Ukraine, western democracies’ support is starting to wane. She warn us:

“Complacency, like a virus, moves quickly across borders,” she writes. https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2024/10/russia-ukraine-democracy-applebaum/680318/

My virus flew across the ocean courtesy of Air France. But I refuse to be complacent about our election. Our twice-impeached ex-President, you know the Apprentice candidate who sent Putin Covid tests for his own personal use before we Americans could get our hands on them, wants another crack at autocracy. Remember back when our friend and neighbor who had been in construction gave us K95 masks for our daughter the ER doctor? Mr T admires tyrants, and Arnold Palmer is running around naked in his head. It’s been a week.

This morning I tested negative for Covid!! We voted early! Instead of going to the movies afterwards, Bob wheeled me around Lowes looking for mums. I didn’t wear white like I did when I voted for Hillary, I’m lucky I got dressed at all. I’ve been humbled, and not by children, by the fragility of our democracy. This is not a forkin joke. Please remember to vote like your life depends on it.

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