This may be hard for our Western minds to grasp, but in order to find our bliss we need to abandon hope. I know, it’s not very intuitive, not even very Obama-friendly, but this is what Pema Chodron, a famous American Buddhist nun has to say about it:
“Hope and fear is a feeling with two sides. As long as there’s one, there’s always the other. This is the root of our pain. In the world of hope and fear, we always have to change the channel, change the temperature, change the music, because something is getting uneasy, something is getting restless, something is beginning to hurt, and we keep looking for alternatives.”
This was the place I was stuck in for a year between the births of my two children. I experienced 3 miscarriages in 1 year, the last after 20 weeks. There is no real way to explain it, the feeling that your world has shifted, that your body can’t be trusted. I was adrift in a world of hope for a new baby, and the fear that I would lose another. I stopped driving over bridges.
Let me step back and explain. The Bride’s friend from medical school, married a woman who then decided to enter medical school; they are a lovely young couple with a new baby just a couple of month’s younger than the Bug. Anna started blogging about being a new mom in medical school, about her decision to start a family in order to get the jump on fertility. It’s a lively and compelling read. http://annainmedschool.com She was recently published in the New York Times – bravo Anna!
Now Anna has written about her friend Julie. Julie has also experienced 3 miscarriages, she writes eloquently about her decision to adopt here http://julienapearphotography.com/blog/?p=1126. She and her husband are sending the word out into the universe and I was humbled by her proactive and personal blog post:
They were told “…that the most successful way adoptive parents are matched with birth mothers is through word of mouth. So today’s post is my plea to you: please help us grow our family! We have been through hell, and have come back from it stronger and more capable than ever. Erik and I are madly in love (together eight years this month!), we have supportive families and friends, a beautiful home to grow in, and we’ve learned through brutal experience that we can make it through a crisis without completely falling apart.”
Between hope and fear is resilience, is never giving up. Julie has stepped bravely into that space. They will make wonderful parents one day. If you know of a woman who may be looking for a loving home for her unborn child, here is Julie’s contact info: erikandjulieadopt@gmail.com
My rabbi told me to imagine that I was a trapeze artist, and God was my net. He helped me to let go and abandon fear.
MountainMornings 
Love Pema and love the idea that it’s two sides of same coin. There’s a study that showed the physical response to a roller coaster is exactly the same in most humans–but some brains interpret as adventure, others as fear. Here’s to rewiring . . .
Always been afraid of roller coasters – perhaps it’s time to try again? Letting go of hope is the tricky one. Thanks for stopping by!
Lovely, thoughtful piece, thanks, Chris. What strikes me is how “out in public” everything is- no private mourning, no private attempts at conception, open calls for help with everything from where to adopt a baby to how to much to tip a delivery person. This is the new world. I wish your daughter’s friend luck. Adoption is the most giving thing one can do.
That was my take-away too Lisa. Thirty years ago I was all alone, no social media, no one talked about miscarriage. We were expected to suffer in silence. It is a brave new world!
Chris Sent from my iPhone
Tell Julie that with perseverance, it will work out as she hopes! I have two adopted children and both arrangements were made through word of mouth, though by two very different routes. There will be surprises and disappointments along the way, but the best reward possible waits at the end.