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Archive for May, 2026

Consumerism.

Costco is the size of a few football fields. Never was there ever a store in history where you had to pay to play. You must be a member to enter the cavernous walls of pallets filled with anything and everything your heart desires. Outdoor furniture, steaks, refrigerators, paper towels, hearing aides – you name it they’ve got it. They even have books and toys! Or you could fill up your tank and get your tires changed. It was all a bit overwhelming, but Kay had never heard of it and she was there for the fashion only.

We’d always joke about Bob getting almost all his clothes at Costco. But it wasn’t until my newly-transplanted sister noticed an outfit I’d thrown on that sparked her interest in the store; it was a light, gauzy green, cotton shirt that happened to match a pair of Eileen Fisher pants. Every now and then I pick up something pretty, along with the huge cartons of Starbucks coffee. And I’m always interested in that special cotton you can wash and hang to dry – the wrinkly fabric is part of the charm. In this 90 degree heat, it’s essential.

I told Kay the same shirt may not be there, but it was worth the sociological field trip to give it a try. Kay has been used to the same Upper East Side neighborhood for decades. The stores are pint-sized and specialized. I remember the first time I saw a pair of lilac, leather baby shoes from France in the window of a children’s store around the corner from her 96th Street apartment. I was strolling down Madison Avenue when the Bride was little and I’d only known white Stride Rite shoes for new walkers. I’d get out the white polish every time we’d travel. It was almost rebellious to think a baby might wear a soft shoe. Now I’m introducing Kay to something new. In the past she might have shopped at Macy’s or Bergdoff’s or Bloomingdale’s. And it’s not as if she’d never been to a shopping mall. When visiting the Flapper in MN she had a plethora of huge malls to visit with our brother Dr Jim.

But I warned her about Costco. “It’s for people who own restaurants, or sororities,” trying to prepare her for the experience.

She didn’t want a scooter, her fancy walker would do just fine. Although she said she’s an excellent driver, the Ada incident in Target was still weighing heavily on my mind. Kay would not be distracted from the mission. We headed straight for the tables piled high with clothing I hoped children weren’t making in sweatshops in Asia. And lo and behold, there were still some shirts left like mine and she picked out a navy blue, and then found more summer clothes for her new life in Nashville. She’d let go of her walker and hold something up to assess the size while wondering why they didn’t have fitting rooms. She could not believe the prices… I could feel it was hard letting go of her old life, but she was willing to adapt.

I stood there remembering, walking up Beacon Hill as a young college student in Boston to Filene’s Basement, an institution where clothes were marked down according to how long they were on the floor. Beautiful designer finds were strewn across tables and piled in bins. Women of all ages and socio-economic classes would try things on in the aisles, either having a friend shield them by holding up a coat or just wiggling things underneath their arms and legs. Coming from a small town in NJ, I was shocked and simultaneously exhilarated and enchanted.

When we returned to her apartment, someone asked Kay how she liked Costco; “I loved it,” she said without a moment’s hesitation. Next up, a huge art supply store in East! OH, and the morning before the Costco trip, last Friday I played “Mahjongg in the Mansion,” a fundraiser for Cheekwood Arboretum and Museum – and I won a travel tile set in the raffle!

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Hoping everyone had a pleasant Mother’s Day weekend.

The Bride surprised me yesterday with High Tea at Thistle Farms. We had scones and petite sandwiches, tiny quiches and tarts and of course, Tea – Lavender Earl Grey. Since we had both experienced afternoon tea in Canada on recent trips, we felt like true aficionados! It’s rare that I get to spend time alone with my delightful daughter; her life is busy with work and the Grands’ sports activities. I cherish the time we get to walk along the Greenway with her dog Maple, just the two of us, without husbands and friends, and chat like old biddies.

On Sunday I cooked a fairly simple meal and the Bride baked her special sourdough bread. Bob picked up my sister Kay, looking regal for the occasion. The Pumpkin showed her his sketchbook of imaginary creatures and robots, and she praised his incredible imagination. We capped off Mother’s Day dinner with my famous, three-layer-deluxe-carrot-cake and let the Love Bug spread the toasted coconut cream cheese frosting, which is her favorite activity, next to volleyball.

Unfortunately, we tucked into everything so fast I forgot to take a picture! Maybe that’s a good thing?

Remember when we called ourselves the “Sandwich Generation?” We lived in Rumson, NJ juggling young children and trying to help Grandma Ada and Grandpa Hudson while they were still living in the same big, empty, Dover, NJ house an hour away from us. The marriage and family therapist and the woodcarver. We felt like we were stuck in the middle; endlessly playing catch-up with parenting or taking care of elderly parents. Don’t get me wrong, it could be fun but exhausting nonetheless. It’s a familiar refrain. Only, we’re all living longer; sometimes if we’re lucky, into our 90s. And hips break, and memory fades.

So now we’re living in the Club Sandwich Generation! I didn’t patent the phrase but maybe I will. We have new Grandbabies out in California, and we’ve relocated Kay a mile away while her elevator is being replaced in Carnegie Hill. The Twins are learning to walk, I’m learning Mahjongg, the Bride has started her own practice, Bluebird, MD. and Kay is studying T’ai Chi! When I used the Club Sandwich analogy, the Bride asked if we were the pickles!!

And BTW, the Bride was interviewed on a podcast for Mother’s Day about being a physician mom! She talked about pumping in the bathroom after the Bug was born, and now the ER has a lactation room for new mom nurses and doctors. I remember watching Downton Abbey while she was home nursing and doing her patient notes at the same time. Everything stopped at 5 PM at Highclere Castle for Tea! She was lucky to get a peanut butter cracker during an ER shift.

Aging is inevitable. I understand why the Flapper studied Buddhism in her later years. We continue to suffer when we expect everything to stay the same, when we cling to our possessions, when we constantly buy into algorithms that suggest the next best thing will bring us happiness, when we can’t stop comparing ourselves to others. If we become fixated on staying young, we are bound to be defeated by surgery and toxins that will turn us into unrecognizable versions of ourselves. I loved this essay today on Substack by “The Doctor Unbound:”

“’Your suffering does not come only from pain, loss, illness, conflict, or uncertainty. Much of it comes from your demand that life stop producing these things. You are fighting the nature of existence itself.’” Then he explained that peace does not emerge from constructing a perfect life free of difficulty. It emerges from changing one’s relationship to craving, control, fear, and impermanence.

It’s nice to set aside a day to celebrate our mothers. I think about my Mother every day, how she had to give me up and how lucky I was to land in Victory Gardens with Nell and Jim. I prefer to celebrate International Women’s Day, because just giving birth doesn’t make you a good mother. And not every woman wants to deliver a child into this world. And some people are estranged from their biological mothers. And some women just cannot conceive, no matter the cost or trials of IVF. Mothering in this country is not as easy as it might be in say Scandinavian countries, in fact, it can be quite pickling. We have an incoherent president who calls himself the father of IVF!

On a brighter note, we had a new visitor to our bird feeder this week – the Rose Breasted Grosbeak!

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“Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds

Isn’t it interesting that I can get on an internet site, fill in a questionnaire, and get drugs delivered to my door in a matter of hours? I can get weight loss injectable GLP-1 syringes, I can get gummies that promise to grow my hair, and if I were a man, well you know about what that little blue pill will do… Have you seen the Amazon ad? The one where a guy falls down and hurts his back, while lying on the floor he dials up a ‘provider’ on his cell who ships his drugs straight away to his door! That sounds like pain meds right? Narcotics-Are-Us.

America is a wonderland of instant gratification.

Except when it comes to women. Once SCOTUS decided to eliminate a woman’s right to control her own body in 2022, our nationwide right to abortion fell to the discretion of the states. We all know what happened in RED states; clinics closed and poor women seeking reproductive healthcare had to travel to bordering states. Because let me say it again, wealthy women will always and forever be able to afford healthcare. They will fly to Switzerland for their depression. They will fly to South Korea for a facelift – have you seen the latest black comedy BEEF on Netflix?

Well did you know that about a third of abortions in this country are performed by the patient simply taking a pill in a timely fashion? It’s simple and easy, no clinic visit, no procedure, no dilation and curettage. No cramping, bleeding, or fear of sepsis in a back alley. But those old white men in RED states still didn’t want women to have access to this wonder drug mifepristone! And they certainly didn’t want doctors, or providers, to prescribe mifepristone by telemedicine from another state to women in their state!

But yesterday, some semblance of intelligence emerged from the Court; ALL women for a brief period of time will be able to obtain mifepristone BY MAIL! Imagine that.

In a brief order, Justice Samuel A. Alito Jr. paused a lower-court ruling from Friday that had prevented abortion providers from prescribing the pills by telemedicine and shipping them to patients, causing confusion for providers and patients. The one-sentence order imposes a pause until at least May 11. He requested that the parties file briefs by Thursday, and then the full court will determine how to proceed.https://www.nytimes.com/2026/05/04/us/politics/supreme-court-abortion-pill.html?unlocked_article_code=1.gFA.iAGK.L0ZU7ZryabYn&smid=url-share

I would advise all the moms out there with pre-teen daughters to get online NOW and order their supply! This administrative stay might only last a week after all. I mean don’t we pack condoms into our sons’ luggage when they move away to college? Didn’t we get our children vaccinated against HPV?

Meanwhile, I read a headline this morning about RFK, Jr trying to wean Americans off antidepressants. Seems counterintuitive doesn’t it? Maybe enough women will show up at the polls to slow our descent into this gloomy, Christian nationalist night. Meanwhile, we’re moving my sister into a new southern sensibility, slowly.

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