MountainMornings

Before and after our Zoom Pilates on Wednesday, I made the mistake of listening to the SCOTUS discuss Mississippi’s attempt to uphold a ban on abortions at 15 weeks.

At first, I was happy that Justice Sonia Sotomayor asked if this was not, after all, a religious question. “YES” I yelled at poor Bob. Don’t let these Christian conservatives determine the argument; this is not about when life begins – it’s about when certain groups of people believe that life begins. Besides, some Catholics and Jews (and Sikhs and Muslims and Hindus and….. and…..) would answer that question differently. The separation of church and state is fundamental to our democracy.

In reality, this court case is about the government trying to control a woman’s body.

“The right of a woman to choose, the right to control her own body, has been clearly set since Casey and never challenged,” Justice Sotomayor said, referencing the 1992 case Planned Parenthood v. Casey, which affirmed Roe, in response to comments by Mississippi Solicitor General Scott Stewart.

“You want us to reject that line of viability and adopt something different.”

I was impressed. I was hopeful. Then Justice Amy Coney Barrett started to ask questions. And she was wondering if so-called “Safe Haven Laws” wouldn’t suffice for a woman experiencing an unwanted pregnancy.

What exactly was she getting at? It dawned on me that she was referring to a theoretical mother carrying to term, and then just dropping her baby off at the local fire department, like a Door Dash order, no questions asked.

Having both biological and adopted children herself, Barrett spoke as if she had a direct line to God, which she probably thinks she has! Whatever could be the problem with carrying and delivering a baby, only to immediately give it up for adoption? She thinks that would be the easiest choice, which means either she’s been totally indoctrinated by her fundamentalist faith, or perhaps she is exhibiting psychopathic thinking. And she sounds so sweet…

Yes, choosing to have an abortion isn’t easy. And it’s even harder if you happen to be marginalized to begin with – a woman loses the possibility of a child – one she was too young or too poor to raise… or maybe one that was a result of being raped. Or maybe she is carrying a child who would never survive because of genetic abnormalities. But being forced to carry a pregnancy to term and give birth, and then relinquish a child to adoption, let’s just say that’s another kind of hell. It’s a Handmaid kinda hell.

“The trauma doesn’t just affect mothers, either. Researchers have a term for what children who are adopted, even as infants, may suffer from later in life: “relinquishment trauma.” The premise is that babies bond with their mothers in utero and become familiar with their behaviors. When their first caretaker is not the biological mother, they register the difference and the stress of it has lasting effects.”

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/12/03/opinion/adoption-supreme-court-amy-coney-barrett.html

My sister Kay recently told me how hard it was for her to travel to my foster parents’ house during our Year of Living Dangerously, and stay with me for the summer while I got used to my new caretaker/parents. The Flapper slept and cared for my father in the dining room after his brain surgery, He was only 47 when he died. My crib was in Kay’s room, she was just 14 years old at the time. Still, she always told me she loved me and that I was her real baby doll. I can still hear the pain in her voice when she talks about leaving me in Dover, NJ and returning to Scranton.

Did I suffer from relinquishment trauma? Certainly my sister and the Flapper did. And the mother of Bob’s newly discovered niece absolutely felt that loss deeply so many years ago. Her name is also Kay, a woman who has become a friend, who searched for her child (Dicky’s daughter) for years after her conservative, religious parents sent her away to give birth over 50 years ago. She would never forget her daughter.

Maybe I held on too tight to my children. Certainly my early life as a foster child factored into my choice to stay at home and raise them, to give them a sense of belonging. But I also wanted my daughter to feel as if her future was unlimited. She could be free to do anything she wanted! And she is currently working at steering her group into granting paid parental leave for everyone, male and female, doctors and NPs. I’m so dang proud of her.

We won’t know the outcome of the SCOTUS case until next June probably. We have a lot of work to do until then, to fix gerrymandering and the filibuster, to assure the right to vote, to pass gun control laws so that our children and grandchildren won’t have to fear their school rooms. But we are Americans and we can do hard things.

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