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Posts Tagged ‘Babies’

This may be hard for our Western minds to grasp, but in order to find our bliss we need to abandon hope. I know, it’s not very intuitive, not even very Obama-friendly, but this is what Pema Chodron, a famous American Buddhist nun has to say about it:

“Hope and fear is a feeling with two sides. As long as there’s one, there’s always the other. This is the root of our pain. In the world of hope and fear, we always have to change the channel, change the temperature, change the music, because something is getting uneasy, something is getting restless, something is beginning to hurt, and we keep looking for alternatives.”

This was the place I was stuck in for a year between the births of my two children. I experienced 3 miscarriages in 1 year, the last after 20 weeks. There is no real way to explain it, the feeling that your world has shifted, that your body can’t be trusted. I was adrift in a world of hope for a new baby, and the fear that I would lose another. I stopped driving over bridges.

Let me step back and explain. The Bride’s friend from medical school, married a woman who then decided to enter medical school; they are a lovely young couple with a new baby just a couple of month’s younger than the Bug. Anna started blogging about being a new mom in medical school, about her decision to start a family in order to get the jump on fertility. It’s a lively and compelling read. http://annainmedschool.com She was recently published in the New York Times – bravo Anna!

Now Anna has written about her friend Julie. Julie has also experienced 3 miscarriages, she writes eloquently about her decision to adopt here http://julienapearphotography.com/blog/?p=1126. She and her husband are sending the word out into the universe and I was humbled by her proactive and personal blog post:

They were told “…that the most successful way adoptive parents are matched with birth mothers is through word of mouth. So today’s post is my plea to you: please help us grow our family! We have been through hell, and have come back from it stronger and more capable than ever. Erik and I are madly in love (together eight years this month!), we have supportive families and friends, a beautiful home to grow in, and we’ve learned through brutal experience that we can make it through a crisis without completely falling apart.”

Between hope and fear is resilience, is never giving up. Julie has stepped bravely into that space. They will make wonderful parents one day. If you know of a woman who may be looking for a loving home for her unborn child, here is Julie’s contact info: erikandjulieadopt@gmail.com

My rabbi told me to imagine that I was a trapeze artist, and God was my net. He helped me to let go and abandon fear.
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A six picture memoir for SBH. Did you notice the matching polka dot bikinis? We noticed the Love Bug pursing her lips. The opposite of her reverse Elvis pout. And sure enough, she said, “Mama.”

 

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Lots of firsts on this trip: a dip into the aquamarine Caribbean Sea; a sail to a secluded island; a bath in the open-air kitchen sink; organic French baby food, “Legumes et cereal.”
We are ready for her first Spring!

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So long my lovely island. We made a farewell dinner last night at the villa, crevettes in a coconut curry sauce with pasta and salad of endive, beets and Brie. Only when you clean the shrimp, it’s a bit more involved since they come to you with their heads on, their eyes looking right at you. Aunt Caitly and Bob were the best fishmongers, it’s not a job I particularly enjoy.

The night before, we gave the Bride and Groom a date night. It’s a tradition we started when our children were young, one night a week scheduled on the calendar, to go out just the two of you. Bob used to insist that we not talk about babies, but of course that didn’t last long. Still, it was a small oasis in a week of work and dirty diapers, a time to remember why you were procreating in the first place.

Goodbye Saline and sun and sand. Goodbye Cleo, Fabienne and Juan. Rosita I’m so sorry we missed you. Goodbye to our little Fourchue, the bay where we saw a starfish. Remember this island Love Bug when you return to Nashville. I’m afraid the whole co-sleeping thing will be coming to an abrupt end, your nights are about to get back to business. No more parties in your cabana, till the next time.

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There is a time for FIRSTs
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And TEN toes
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To lay back in the END ZONE
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Due to UNNECESSARY CUTENESS
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Red ghillies and oxfords, while we’re in the mood, high heels and sandals.

When we were packing up the house to move South, my daughter was helping with my closet. She’d lined up my shoes in 3 orderly groups – 1) shoes I definitely want to keep; 2) shoes I may want to keep; 3) shoes to give or throw away. Naturally, the second group was overflowing, which led her to ask me this simple question,
“How many (insert color) shoes do you need?”

No apology, I happen to love shoes, in all their myriad shapes and colors. There are pictures of me with my foster sister and her fiancee on a trip to see the circus in NYC. What circus I do not know. I was too young to remember this special trip, but was always told how much I loved my “circus shoes.” In black and white, CLR Child w Jackie 20130125I am beaming happiness with a little pair of oxfords on my feet. Perhaps this is where my need to see the Big Apple Circus every year with my children arose. Being able to wear only oxfords in Sacred Heart School, and only penny loafers at Camp St Joseph may be factors in my fashionable fetish. For sports at camp or school, we would wear white Keds, so you see we had little choice growing up in the 50s. There is also the lasting value in classic design. Trends may come and go, you can gain or lose a few pounds, but a classic pair of good leather shoes can last a lifetime! Though, fair warning to you pregnant girls, my shoe size increased by half with each child. I asked the Rocker once why he needs so many guitars, he looked at me and said, “Why do you need so many shoes?”

I’ve written here about shoes a number of times. About our town’s famously decadent shoe store Scarpa, https://mountainmornings.wordpress.com/2012/05/24/small-times/
I remember writing about the fashion writer who stood staring at the one red shoe in a gigantic see-through bin of discarded shoes at the Holocaust museum. Once, while writing about Pinterest, I even included a picture of my shoe shelves: https://mountainmornings.wordpress.com/2012/03/10/pining-or-pinning-that-is-the-question/

One of the first gifts I bought when I found out the Bride was pregnant with a girl was a pair of pink leather shoes. Will they be helpful in her quest to start walking, like those overly-polished and re-polished white Stride Rites I laced up my baby’s feet? Probably not. Will they be ever so adorable, absolutely! I was star-struck once while strolling down Madison Avenue with my sister Kay. We stopped short in front of a fancy children’s boutique with pink leather Italian shoes in the window. Of course, I had to get them for the toddler Bride, even if they might only last her a few months.

There have been Picasso shoe periods. The 60s teen years of wearing Weejuns, penny loafers without pennies, polished just so with black to tone down the oxblood color. The dancing decade of wearing espadrilles with rope you wind around your ankle, very Isadora Duncan. The Pappagallo phase of pastel and mini bows with Queen Anne heels paired nicely with mini skirts. Thankfully I never went in for the high dollar, designer stilettos of Sex and the City; either I was just too old wise or whygobroke/killing/your/feet.

So if you love shoes, you may enjoy reading this historical essay on shoes and gender and power, “Why DID Men Stop Wearing High Heels?” http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21151350 _65446635_red_soled_compositeThink of Louis XIV, initially men wore heels in order to ride a horse and the height and color became tied with rank and royalty. But eventually, “High heels were seen as foolish and effeminate. By 1740 men had stopped wearing them altogether.” We women dropped the need for height after the French revolution too, but for some insane reason, in the mid-19th Century, we decided it might be nice to squeeze our feet into high heels again…well, if you read the article you’ll learn why, and it’s not pretty.

But take heart, these teeny tiny feet are ready to dance in the Music City. Thank you velcro, and thank you ecommerce for making fancy baby shoes as easy to find as say, a good pair of Minnetonka slippers.
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1) To get serious about yoga

2) To cook more tofu

3) To walk more, even if it’s cold

4) To do something that scares me (Karaoke?)

5) To laugh loudly and often

I’ve never been a New Year’s resolution type. I used to attend the Borough Hall Annual Reorganization Meeting at noon on New Year’s Day and take copious notes through a hangover haze for the newspaper. “Each year at the Reorganization Meeting, the Council adopts a resolution setting the order of business for each Council meeting.” It takes forever, so and so police officer was awarded something; the zoning plans have changed to reflect such and such.

But now I’m only required to attend a hospital gala on New Year’s Eve, to dress to the nines and make merry at a local winery. I can sleep in without children at home or a care in the world…well, maybe a few.

I have a cold. It’s not the flu, got the shot, but some bugs got through to make my nose run and my throat scratchy. Bob is working, so I’m on my own to push fluids and make my own chicken soup. I managed to try my second martini in 40-something years last night, and decided it still tastes like gasoline. I thought it might help my throat, and the 2 sips I took did seem to numb my tonsils.

My order of business for 2013 is staying true to my philosophy of small steps. In order to grow, we must change and challenge ourselves, to do something scary. Notice I didn’t resolve to go to the gym and lose 20 pounds – just to walk… even in the cold and cook tofu. To quiet my mind with yoga and lighten my heart with laughter. The Love Bug is learning to laugh, and just being with her brings me great joy.

I wish you all a peaceful and joyous New Year! We may not be able to influence those in Congress today who are playing games with our country’s reputation in the world, but we can vote them out tomorrow. And we can start the New Year introspectively, as the Dalai Lama says, “The inner peace of an alert and calm mind are the source of real happiness and good health. Our human intelligence tells us which of our emotions are positive and helpful and which are damaging and to be restrained or avoided.”
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There’s snow on the ridgeline this morning. I’m back in my mountain home after 10 hours on the road with my 4 month old Bug and her parents. She did well for about 7 hours with many stops, which is 1 hour more than my limit in a car. And yesterday I did the hand off to the other set of grandparents for their New Year’s week visit. In the midst of this transition, after my long stretch of babysitting, I had a nightmare.

The Bride was leaning back on the balcony of a large white iconic building (hospital?) and she fell slowly over the edge. I watched incredulously but could not reach her in time. When I looked over, she was hanging on by her fingertips. “Help her!” I yelled at Bob and then promptly woke up in a sweat. She had worked 5 straight nights in a row (including Christmas Eve and Christmas) and before that, 4 daytime shifts. Shift work takes its toll on a body, just ask any nurse or police officer.

“Society is oriented toward traditional daytime work hours and work at night will often intensify fatigue and reduce alertness. Workers generally will not acclimate to night work, and sleep patterns will generally be disrupted so the non-work periods do not provide full recovery, resulting in sleep deprivation. Studies suggest that it can take up to 10 days to adapt to a night time work schedule.” http://www.osha.gov/OshDoc/data_Hurricane_Facts/faq_longhours.html

When I was writing about normal holiday stress, I didn’t factor in having to change your circadian rhythm or nursing a 4 month old baby. I always joked that Bob became a director because he didn’t want to work nights; only it’s not a joke. He won’t do nights, he sleeps…at night. If he met a doc who wanted to work nights, he would hire him/her immediately. Keep this in mind future EM residents, if you are a night owl, you have an advantage.

Naturally, the Love Bug is off her schedule. Babies will change it up just when you figure it out, but this little nugget has been in 2 different homes the last few days and her mama was away many nights and sleeping-in many mornings. I tried to explain it all to her, I told her that she can be very proud of her mommy for saving lives. I told her that things will get better in the New Year. Her daddy and I did our best to play guitar and sing her to sleep at night. Hang on baby girl. Our country may sail over a cliff, but your mama is on solid ground.

My big news of Christmas week is the birth of 2 brand new baby girls! Congratulations and welcome to the world Great Nieces’ Francesca Lynn and Evan Margot. Have a very happy and healthy New Year everyone!
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While I was searching for some old pictures, I pulled down a big Frye boot box from the top of my closet. Inside I discovered the purple sweater that my Nana knit, probably around the turn of the last century. It was chock full of cables, an Aryan style, and since I knew it was a tight fit at 16, almost six decades later I didn’t have to try it on. I want to give it to the Bride; and I want to teach the Love Bug how to knit like a laidback knitter when she gets older!

Yesterday I walked into the Haus of Yarn in search of a certain size needle and walked out with this book, “10 Secrets of the Laidback Knitters, A Guide to Holistic Knitting, Yarn and Life,” by Vicki Stiefel and Lisa Souza. Post Christmas sales were in the air, (as in, “Come back on Wednesday when everything is half off”) and a woman was delivering a big box from Nothing Bundt Cakes, http://www.nothingbundtcakes.com I love this knitting store, they had fudge in the back and invited me to their Thursday night knit club. Back to the book, there are all different kinds of knitters, on a spectrum from the up-tight anxious type seeking perfection all the way to someone who knits in a recliner and doesn’t mind a dropped stitch.

I have to admit, I don’t like making mistakes, but I’m aware that what I want to be is a laidback knitter. And now I know how! I may never do any spinning or roving, but I do know where most of the yarn I use comes from. And I can still walk down the road to the Rivanna River Alpaca farm and say “Hey” to my friend DeeDee. Her animals make the softest fiber in the world. Thanks to The Knitting Lady, I don’t fear dropping stitches or even ripping out rows of wool with abandon. I can say with satisfaction, I am the slowest knitter ever! “Slow” in the sense of the slow food movement; and to be fair, in the sense of time spent on a project…

Have a slow moving Sunday y’all. As our President said, “Drink some eggnog.” I’m working on a rosy pink dress for my little Bout de Chou – translation “tiny piece of cauliflower!” I intend to keep knitting…and writing about gun control, in light of the tone deaf statements of the NRA. Let’s bring our voices to Washington via petitions, phone calls and those really hard to ignore, snail mail letters. Slow and steady will win this race.
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While our extended family ate and laughed away the time in FL, I was on a hunt for the great American, independent bookstore. Lucky for me, I found The Hidden Lantern in Rosemary Beach. http://www.thehiddenlantern.com

Isn’t it funny how once a grandchild arrives, your first thought in the morning is “I wonder what the Love Bug is doing today?” Likewise, my first thought upon entering this little gem of a bookstore/art gallery was “I wonder what books she would like to read?” So I immediately went to the children’s literature section and there I stayed among young people climbing over comfy footstools. I love a bookstore with soft, enveloping couches and stuffed chairs. Libraries never had the same appeal with their hard chairs and tables. Plus, you couldn’t talk. I think things may have changed since the days of Marion the Librarian.

I had just finished Anna Quindlen’s “Every Last One,” which in hindsight, I should have kept at home. The plot twist is rather tragic and not beach reading material. Believe me, if you have teenagers, wait a few years to read this book. So I guess I needed a break from a novel, and turned to ladybugs and lions. I was missing my old Fair Haven bookstore, where the owners knew my name and would recommend great reads every time I dropped in. And this morning, by sheer luck, I found this article on NPR – http://www.npr.org/2012/11/27/165482333/librarian-nancy-pearls-picks-for-the-omnivorous-reader

Here is a librarian willing to share her secrets for picking books, “…without concern for whether they’re fiction or nonfiction, genre or not, or aimed or classified as being for children or teens. Because I am an omnivorous reader, at first glance my choices always seem to me to be completely higgledy-piggledy, with no book bearing any similarity to any other.” You’ve gotta love this in a librarian. You know how they ask celebrities what other job they may choose if (acting/music/sports/Kardashian) didn’t work out? I would be a librarian, a school librarian! Students would actually come to me for advice, imagine that. Oh, and I’d add couches to the library.

But back to devouring books. I’m currently reading “The House of Tyneford” by Natasha Solomons. It’s bridging the gap until Downton Abbey returns in January. And one last thought. All week everyone was saying how much the Love Bug looked like her Mama, including me. Then someone mentioned how much she looked like moi, which led me to dig in the basement for my baby pictures. The Flapper is sitting on a couch, with her broken dancer’s legs straight. Notice the ubiquitous cigarette. This must have been in PA, after she was released from the hospital. I have teeth so I’m a bit older, still. What do you think?

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It’s the morning after. Some of you may have participated in this strange, compulsive shopping tradition we call “Black Friday.” The stampedes started early this year, on Thanksgiving night for some. I’m one who never really got into the spirit by pushing and shoving my way around Walmart in the wee hours for a “deal.” http://money.cnn.com/2012/11/23/pf/black-friday-2012/ Plus, some workers are striking, and if I learned one thing from my PA coal miner family, you never, ever cross a picket line. Maybe that’s old fashioned, but I’m not a scab! And, sleep is a wonderful thing, better than a sale any day.

The Love Bug loves the beach, and she’s sleeping like a baby here. Ever since we arrived, for 10 straight glorious hours, she has been sleeping through the night. For the rest of us, it’s touch and go. The tennis team from UNC thought right next door would be a good place to party; and their shenanigans lasted until dawn. Bob and the Bride had a serious talk with the British team captain, and that seemed to do the trick. Not sure if they used the Blue Devil approach, but whatever was said worked.

The Rocker and Ms Cait are already heading home, after trying out a driving range and some go-carts. Last night we stayed in to watch a movie, “Moonrise Kingdom,” which was perfect. Today we met a friend of the Bride’s at Rosemary Beach and I discovered the most wonderful combo bookshop/art gallery. It’s the off-season now in FL, they are even expecting a frost tomorrow night. The turkey has been carved, we gave thanks for all our blessings. We’ve had fun, sightseeing and beach walking, roaming around, getting the lay of the land. So long sand and sun, the mountains are calling us home.

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