MountainMornings

1. Nobody has to win! Honestly, marriage is not a game, it’s more like an endless marathon. Whenever you come across a problem, don’t just ignore it, it will become infected. 99% of conflict happens when one person is feeling ignored, so listen. Really listen, and think about your own contribution to the problem. Put down your defense mechanism, and pick up your empathy.
2. Change it Up! An endless marathon can get boring, but not if you take some long, windy roads along the way. Sure there’s something to be said for consistency, but people change, and so will your relationship. Once you were a young mom, writing for a newspaper, and now you’re an old nana writing a blog. In between, you raised two kids, tried your hand at medical coding, helped a friend open a knitting store, went to grad school, and sat on a school board seat. Keep growing and your relationship will keep blooming.
3. Stay True to Yourself! Okay so you’re married, that doesn’t mean you must do everything together. Two fully formed adults can’t really become one living, breathing personality. I love to dance, and play games, like tennis or cards. Bob has two left feet and has absolutely no interest in anything remotely competitive. He is a pilot and loves to fly, I have a white-knuckle fear of flying. Hey, if we went on Match.com there’s NO way this algorithm would work! Yet, here we are.
4. Be Supportive! It’s the little things that count. A friend once told me her husband always keeps her favorite drink in the garage refrigerator, and refills the kitchen fridge without being asked… imagine not having to ask your husband to do something around the house! For me, it’s the Keurig. When I stumble into the kitchen in the morning and the coffee reservoir is filled with water, I know Bob loves me.
5. Conduct a Performance Review! We used to have 5 year plans that we’d discuss on our anniversary. Where do we see ourselves in 5 years? But now that Bob has retired and we’ve had a few medical scares, we’ve decided every year on our anniversary to have a critical conversation. We’ll discuss what we’ve done right in the past year, what we’ve managed to bungle, and what we want to do better in the coming year. After all, time is flying – this life is short.

After 40 years as husband and wife, we decided to see where this next year will take us. I’m finally feeling at home in Nashville, and Bob’s thinking about joining a flying club. It’s not always easy, and it’s not always 50 – 50. Sometimes I’m giving 80% and sometimes I’m giving 20%, but the trick is to not give up on one another. As Sally Field once said, “Go into the heart of the Dragon.”

Here is Bob at 70, making me my very first Chai Tea smoothie!