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Archive for the ‘Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country’ Category

Imagine yourself fresh out of high school. Someone tells you that you can make 79 cents an hour, but he can’t tell you where, or what exactly you’ll be doing. It’s the middle of WWII, and your family had just survived the Great Depression; 79 cents an hour is really good money. Would you say goodbye to your family and friends, pack a suitcase and get on a train the next day?

Well, it’s the middle of the great Virginia Book Festival http://www.vabook.org/index.html/ and this glorious, spring-like afternoon I found myself at the New Dominion Bookstore on the historic Downtown Mall listening to Denise Kiernan talk about her book The Girls of Atomic City. I learned something new today. The race to build an atomic bomb wasn’t just happening in New Mexico. Over 80,000 people were assembled in Oak Ridge, TN – a town that was built for the sole purpose of enriching uranium. Only no girl knew exactly what they were doing there. All of their jobs were so well compartmentalized; plus they had been advised not to talk or write home about their work, or they would be fired. http://www.girlsofatomiccity.com/the_book.html

I wanted to ask her, after she explained how she had interviewed some of the surviving women now living in an assisted living community at Oak Ridge, if they felt any remorse when they found out what they had been working on, in their later years. But I didn’t because the bookstore was packed and I was squeezed under the stairs on a stool. I’m just going to have to read this book myself, and draw my own conclusions. Or maybe I’ll email the author and ask her!

I love the Book Festival, it’s quintessential Charlottesvillian. There was a beautiful carousel that was whirring in the middle of it all, and gown and town were mixing it up with alacrity. I bought the Love Bug a few books naturally, and visited with Anita and Skip who come over every year from Richmond. I told them how we had just seen the movie Monuments Men. I learned a few things during that movie as well. And who doesn’t love George Clooney? Plus his dad does a cameo at the end.

This was a week to go back in time, to the 1940s. Of all the programs so far this weekend, I can honestly say Ms Kiernan was the best. But I doubt I’ll be attending any other festival events because poor Bob has finally come down with that flu-like illness I mentioned earlier. Not to worry. I just made him some delicious Jewish chicken soup, he should be feeling better in no time.

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I’m not talking about college hoops. Although I must say I felt rather conflicted when VA beat Duke for the ACC title 72 – 63 on Sunday. And it was the first time since 1976 that UVA brought that trophy home. When your husband and daughter went to Duke undergrad, and you find yourself living in Charlottesville because that’s where she went to medical school, along with the Groom who is a “lifer” (both VA undergrad and med), you can understand why my alliances were in conflict.

The madness I’m referring to is the third death that’s been reported of a critically injured person from the SXSW Music Festival in Austin, TX. When we heard that two people died on the scene, my ears tingled. Remember the Rocker is there playing in Nicole Atkins’ band. I didn’t panic, I didn’t call him immediately. In fact, my first reaction was rage. How could the police have chased this drunk driver right into a crowded street, right into a line of people waiting to get into a club? Yes, the drunken/killer made the decision to drink and get into a car, he was responsible for dozens of injured people and now three deaths.

But that cop who was in pursuit presumably wasn’t impaired.He must have had some training about how to apprehend a guy fleeing a sobriety checkpoint that wouldn’t involve chasing his car into a crowd and killing innocent people.  http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2014-03-17/news/chi-sxsw-austin-car-hits-crowd-20140317_1_southern-mississippi-sxsw-austin

So I casually texted the Rocker, “How’s SXSW going?” This wasn’t his first time at the Austin festival. The Parlor Mob blew through town a few times in the past…”It’s fun for us!” You can see they were head bangin, long hair, hard rock playing back then!

Here’s a clip from a month ago with Nicole. That’s the Rocker over there on the left. His hair is considerably shorter…My son texted back, “Just played the last show, we leave for Dallas tomorrow morning.”

Being on tour, on the road day and night isn’t easy. Don’t cry me a river, but I’m serious. They drive all day, do a sound check, maybe get something to eat and by now the bar food isn’t bad, then they play till the wee hours, get some sleep and get up early to hit the road again. I know he’ll be staying with his sister in Nashville this weekend. At least they didn’t get this last snowstorm. I just hope he has a little time to play with our Love Bug. She’s just starting to sing, and her dance moves are adorable! http://mercylounge.com/calendar/venue/highwatt/2014/03/22/nicole-atkins/

So stay warm and safe out there on the road son. Tell me if you met Lena Dunham, or you listened to Edward Snowden’s Skype chat. http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2014/03/10/288601356/live-edward-snowden-speaks-to-sxsw And GO DUKE!

The morning aviary view

The morning aviary view

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It’s enough already! Every day I wake up and wonder if they found that missing Malaysian plane. How can a triple 7 just disappear in this day and age? We have satellites circling the globe, Google maps looking into our windows, radar and cell phones and the latest idea is that this was a “deliberate” act; or maybe it’s somewhere in the Indian Ocean?

So I’m redirecting my thoughts this morning. No CNN, no more Meet the Press. My brain needs a rest from speculation and erudition. I tuned in to CBS Sunday Morning like the Flapper always did, for a taste of feel good news. Happy Iranian hikers are reunited with their families! And then, there was Catherine Deneuve.

Deneuve always reminded me of my sister, Kay. A beautiful woman who was in some ways, burdened by her beauty. The interviewer asked her what it is about French women? She said you mean how they can do or eat anything they want? And he said no, it was more about the flirtatiousness, which was not necessarily the right word IMHO. She smiled coyly and said “No, I hadn’t thought of that.”

French women embody style and mystery. I remember being told when I was younger that even the shop girls will save their money to buy one beautiful thing every year. Something classic, that transcends time and trends. Think of Audrey Hepburn when she returns from Paris in the 1954 movie, Sabrina – not ready to live above the garage anymore with her chauffeur father.

But this week Deneuve, at the ripe old age of 70, is debuting a new movie, “On My Way.” It’s about a woman of a certain age who disappears. Yes, she dumps her family and its restaurant woes after her lover dumps her, and she goes on a road trip. Her character takes up with a younger man; it would seem I like the idea of a woman disappearing! I love her answer to the question of how she ages so gracefully:

You have to try not to fight so hard against time, you know. It’s not that I enjoy it. It is just not that much of a problem. Maybe because I have children and grandchildren, it’s a different rhythm. It’s a different way of looking at things other than yourself. http://www.reuters.com/article/2014/03/12/us-catherinedeneuve-idUSBREA2B0RU20140312

So here’s to that joie de vie, that je n’est sais quoi! To French women everywhere, we salute you. We American Boomers have decided not to age so gracefully. In fact, we like to be disgraceful as much as possible so as not to be invisible. We’d rather not disappear after all. And if you haven’t peeked at Ari Seth Cohen’s blog about NYC women in their 60s, 70s and 80s, here’s your chance. To The Barricades Ladies!

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this is what 65 looks like - sans makeup!

this is what 65 looks like – sans makeup!

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As some of you may know, I signed up to follow the Parnassus Bookstore blog, Musing, almost as soon as it launched. I follow its editor, Mary Laura Philpott, on Twitter too. It’s a fun way to keep up with literary happenings in my daughter’s adopted city, Nashville. And a recent post on Musing made me wonder if I had ever been afraid to read something, anything. I won’t go to horror movies, but that’s different. I’m aware that I’ll read crime and mystery novels only on vacation – like the Girl With the Dragon Tattoo series – but me, afraid to read something? Never!

In “Reading (and Writing) Through Fear” Philpott reviewed a book that she admits she normally wouldn’t read. The Bear, by Claire Cameron, is written from the point-of-view of a five year old; a terrified child who has just witnessed a bear kill her parents. Certainly horrific territory, and granted it is maybe a book I would pick up in a bookstore, read the jacket, and put down. Not necessarily because I’d be frightened by the content, but when you have lost a family as a child, as I did in my first year of life, it’s not something I would want to read about. In the same way that Bob doesn’t like to see war pictures, since his work is sometimes like a war zone. He gets enough adrenalin in the ER.

But then, Philpott interviewed the author. Cameron said that before she had children she wasn’t afraid of anything, but then…

…my sons were born. The first time a babysitter came over to look after my six-month old, I stood outside the front door and could barely make myself walk away. It was, I realized, a new kind of fear. It’s one that comes alongside loving someone else completely, be it a child, partner, lover or friend. The world is big. It can be scary. And I couldn’t protect the people I love at every given moment.

While I was working on the first draft of The Bear, I thought I was writing about that — the fear of not being able to protect my children from everything. After I finished, I talked to a friend about the story. Knowing me well, she said that I was actually writing about my fear of not being a parent. What if something happened to me and I wasn’t there for them? The minute she said it, I knew she was right.http://parnassusmusing.net/2014/03/06/reading-what-you-fear/#more-660

So I bought the book. Because it’s always interesting to see how an author finds the authentic magical thinking voice of a child. And because I knew I was deep-down afraid to read it. And the only way to keep growing, is to challenge that fear.

And today I’m going to read The New Yorker article, “The Reckoning” by Andrew Solomon, about his interview with the father of Adam Lanza, the Sandy Hook killer. This really scares me, but I hope that some insight for some struggling parent out there will come through his words. When I heard Solomon say on a news show that Adam’s mother Nancy was more interested in Adam having a “good day” instead of a “good life” it sealed the deal. Sometimes a parent can live in so much denial, they begin to believe in the insular, sclerotic world their child has created. A world in which the bear is the child himself.  Unknown-1

 

 

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This getting back to normal business can be frustrating. Obviously it’s difficult waking up and not having a toddler waltz into your room to escort you to breakfast; or should I say the feast of fresh fruits and juices and any other breakfast food imaginable no longer awaits you on a breezy terrace with the ocean looking on. No, it’s back to making my own coffee and cutting up my own banana in yogurt looking at the mountains, all the while waiting for a single crocus to bloom…really, shouldn’t that have happened already?

So I did what any red-blooded American woman would do after finally getting over my flu-like illness. I went to the gym – I figured if I kept waiting for spring it would never come. Like the proverbial boiling pot. And on my way home just now, I  listened to an author on NPR about feeling time crunched because she was a working mom. Way to put my problems into perspective! My daughter was returning to her everyday life which included the usual; grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning and laundry and also a sick toddler and a job that was anything but 9 to 5. It was more like 11pm to 7am, then she’d get some sleep and wake up to write her charts while the Love Bug napped.

I thought she must be feeling overwhelmed about now. So I made a mental note to tell her about this book since its author was heartbreakingly good on the radio. Brigid Schulte, a Washington Post columnist, wrote Overwhelmed; Work Love and Play When No One Has the Time. She talked about her generation and how they didn’t want to have a traditional marriage, the kind their parents had where the woman was in charge of the home, even if she had a full or part-time job. She wanted a more equitable distribution of work – like one always loads the dishwasher at night and one will always empty in the morning.

Last one out of bed makes the bed, and even if he forgets to put the pillows back on the bed you don’t do it…you leave them on the floor. I don’t think men understand just how hard that is for us, not picking up pillows.

Eventually Schulte and her husband did get to that place of marital housework justice, but it was a shock to see how far they had slipped into a more traditional model. She had to rewrite her to-do list, which is surprisingly the cover art of her book. Because after writing down every single thing she was trying to cram into her days, she realized that if she didn’t plan for her own recreational time, it would not happen.

I was just with my father who’s had a stroke, and sitting in a hospital room really makes you remember: … We don’t have that much time; what do you want to make of your life here on this Earth? And so, my to-do list is really: What are my priorities? What is most important to me? And then everything else, everything my to-do list used to be, I call the other 5 percent — it shouldn’t take more than 5 percent of my time or energy. There’s a lot of stuff that I used to do that I don’t do anymore. http://www.npr.org/2014/03/11/288596888/not-enough-hours-in-the-day-we-all-feel-a-little-overwhelmed

In many ways the Bride is lucky. Her Groom does his fair share around the house and truly shares child care when he is at home. Maybe my SIL could use this book? In Mexico she said she never gets any down time. To which I foolishly replied, but doesn’t your daughter go to school every day? Because she said, “Yes, but I go to work.”

If I were a list maker, this would be my list for today: 1) make bed, 2) pick up tickets for Book Festival, 3) search for a purple crocus. And I only make the bed because Nell said even if that’s all you do in a day, at least you did something!

Breakfast Anyone?

Breakfast Anyone?

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Happy International Women’s Day 2014!  http://www.internationalwomensday.com If I were sitting at a cafe on my favorite island in the French West Indies, I would have been handed a rose already. Instead I’m watching the snow melt this morning from my aviary and reflecting on that Virginia Slims ad; we have come a long way baby and we’ve got a long way to go.

“The story of women’s struggle for equality belongs to no single feminist nor to any one organization but to the collective efforts of all who care about human rights” Gloria Steinem

We Americans can feel smug when we read about countries where women cannot drive a car, or a woman cannot feel safe on a public bus from being gang raped. But if we truly pay attention, our sisters are under assault in a myriad of ways. A recent, hideous example is a misogynistic and homophobic judge in Arkansas – “Sluts are just whores in training.” Did I mention this is a family court judge? http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2014/03/07/3376181/sluts-are-just-whores-in-training-and-other-wisdom-offered-by-a-sitting-arkansas-judge/#

And then there’s the Army’s top sexual assault prosecutor being charged with…sexual assault. http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/mar/06/us-army-prosecutor-suspended-assault-claims

One of my favorite comedians, Sarah Silverman, schooled me on my retro-feminist views. In a YouTube sketch, she asks us to stop telling our girls they can be anything they want to be. I was guilty of this. I wanted the Bride to know she could be President if she wanted – thank God she didn’t. But why, why stop saying this to our daughters? Silverman said:

“Because it would never occur to them that they couldn’t.”

Over the years, I’ve written about and marched for reproductive freedom, because without that essential human right, women worldwide have shortened expectations and shortened lives. Pro Choice women are Pro Life women, we just continue to care about the lives of mothers and children.

Like the first woman rabbi, Sally Priesand, once said, I too look forward to the day we can stop making a news headline out of the “First Woman” anything.

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Time stands still for no man, or woman, except for this week – I wish it would just linger a little. Last week, we traveled from Eastern, through Central to Mountain Time in Cabo, losing two hours. And now we must fidget with our clocks again, Spring Ahead this weekend, and gain an hour of evening light. What’s a girl to do?

In general, “losing” an hour in the spring is more difficult to adjust to than “gaining” an hour in the fall. It is similar to airplane travel; traveling east we lose time. An “earlier” bedtime may cause difficulty falling asleep and increased wakefulness during the early part of the night. Going west, we fall asleep easily but may have a difficult time waking. http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/coping-with-time-changes

So that’s why I was staying up till midnight after our vacation, my circadian rhythm had shifted with the sun. But returning home with a full-blown flu-like illness, which left me napping at odd hours and waking all through the night in order to try breathing, has left me wondering. How does all this this sleep-shifting affect our health?

If you’re alive, you know what sleep deprivation feels like. The Rocker suffered from one ear infection after another when he was born. For six whole months I didn’t sleep more than two hours at a time because I was nursing and being very stoic about help. When his ear drum turned the corner, and I slept for six hours straight, I told Bob he wouldn’t have to commit me after all. That’s the closest I ever came to crazy. That’s what most people who torture people for a living know; keep the lights on and the music blaring. That’ll do it.

I hope the Rocker has adjusted to turning around one day after returning to NJ, to fly to LA and pick up on Nicole’s tour out West. It’s really only an hour’s change from Mexico, and he’s young. *see below for dates!

In order to Save Some Daylight, we’ll all be waking up an hour earlier this Monday. We’ll be groggy and just slightly flustered, trying to compare the new time to the old, making sure all our clocks have been adjusted, our smoke alarm batteries changed. We might need an extra cup of coffee to get going. But think about the positive, those long summer nights to come…I like to think about that since we still have snow on the ground and a chill in the air in VA. I’m happy to put this polar vortex in the rear view mirror.

The experts say it should only take a day to adjust our bodies to a one hour time change. But they don’t say much about traveling through two time zones, getting sick and adding a dose of daylight savings time too. Let’s take this opportunity to refine our sleep hygiene. Get all those tech gizmos out of the bedroom, eliminate alcohol and caffeine at night, and develop some calming bedtime habits.

And for all parents out there with a baby, like our Love Bug, who likes to wake up with the birds, rejoice! Their circadian rhythm will finally align with yours, and “…peace will guide the planets and love will steer the stars.” Let the sun shine in.

Mar 6, 2014 8:00 AM
Singer-songwriter Nicole Atkins recently released Slow Phaser, her latest record. In commemoration, The A.V. Club has the premiere of the video for one of the album’s best tracks, “Girl You Look Amazing.” A riff on modern Instagram society, “Girl You Look Amazing” plays on the idea of a person having a seemingly fabulous digital life while, in actuality, actually being kind of sad.Atkins has some dates on the horizon—including some with Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds—and those are listed below. Slow Phaser is available on iTunes now.

Nicole Atkins Tour 2014

March 5—Bootleg Theatre—Los Angeles, California *
March 6—Soda Bar—San Diego, California *
March 8—Musical Instrument Museum—Phoenix, Arizona *
March 9—Outpost Performance Space—Albuquerque, New Mexico *
March 12—The Conservatory—Oklahoma City, Oklahoma *
March 13-16—SXSW—Austin, Texas *
March 17—Dan’s Silverleaf—Denton, Texas *
March 20—The Nick—Birmingham, Alabama *
March 21—Hi-Tone—Memphis, Tennessee *
March 22—High Watt—Nashville, Tennessee *
March 23—Terminal West—Atlanta, Georgia *
March 25—Evening Muse—Charlotte, North Carolina *
March 26—Ram’s Head—Annapolis, Maryland *
March 27—Johnny Brenda’s—Philadelphia, Pennsylvania *
July 19—Moody Theater—Austin, Texas ^
July 21—Mahalia Jackson Theater—New Orleans, Louisiana ^
July 23—DAR Constitution Hall—Washington, D.C. ^
July 25—The Mann Center—Philadelphia, Pennsylvania ^
July 26—Celebrate Brooklyn—Brooklyn, New York ^
July 29—Masonic Temple Theater—Detroit, Michigan ^
July 31—Sony Centre—Toronto, Ontario ^
* with Arc Iris
^ with Nick Cave And The Bad Seeds

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Ada reminded me on our Mexican holiday that a good friend of hers once called her “insatiable.” She’s also referred to herself as a “pot stirrer” in Yiddish, which I think means she likes to keep her spoon in everybody’s pots. It keeps things bubbling and cooking away – a good quality for a marriage and family counselor.

Our first night in Cabo, many of the passengers who were on her flight out of Newark, paid homage to my MIL at the table. She has a knack for meeting people, and coaxing out of them their deepest secrets. I was aware that she tried hard not to engage everyone at the resort, and instead concentrate on her family and friends.

But it’s almost like that show the “Medium,” a Long Island woman who walks into a deli and hears from dead people. She can’t help herself, the Medium’s psychic self invades every aspect of her day. For Ada, her therapist self is so much a part of her identity, it kicks into gear almost immediately. Every person has a story to tell, and she’s an excellent listener.

You can see how this trait is passed down. To Bob who has a third eye and ear, (remember how he spied KERF at the airport?) who is either a great multi-tasker or an incredibly well adjusted adult with ADD. To the Bride, who in preschool was “helping” all her little friends with their art projects; so much so that the teacher asked me to have a talk with her. Maybe it didn’t help that Ada offered a dollar bonus once elementary school started for each check mark on the behavioral side of their report cards…this was for the presumably negative  act of raising your hand too much and talking out of turn. Grandma Ada wanted to encourage such things. Get those pots boiling!

And to my little Love Bug who would sit on the steps in the pool and point her little finger at me, then point it down right next to her and say “Sit!.” Not easily distracted, she is a tiny dictator of the sweetest variety. As we walked in the sand on the beach saying “Ocean” over and over again, I could see another insatiable spirit with her Great Grandmother’s eyes. I fully intend to keep up the tradition of the pot stirrer report card!

Ada says “YES” to life. She is incapable of being satisfied or appeased, the definition of insatiable. She wants to take it all in, experience everything that life has to offer. I had trouble keeping up with her in Cabo. Granted I was under the weather, but even when I’m feeling fine my 90 year old MIL can run, or walk, circles around me. On the day of her birthday party, many of the men went deep sea fishing and came back with a 20ft marlin. The chef at the hotel prepared the delicious fish three ways, along with a Mexican birthday cake.

While the guys and one gal were fishing, the Rocker drove Grandma Ada, Hudson and some of the women, including me, into another town for lunch and sightseeing. We saw the Hotel California, a street festival, and wild horses running in the street. It was an enchanting afternoon. And wouldn’t you know, Ada and Hudson met and immediately befriended a couple from Texas who went to Baylor, Hudson’s alma mater. I’m sure they’ll be visiting them on their next trip to NY.

So when people ask me what’s Ada’s secret, it’s simply this. She continues to be engaged and active, to learn and to love, to keep her spoon moving. She is our treasure.

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Tis the season for whale watching, and so our family has gathered here in Mexico to bear witness. Humpbacks have returned from the north to mate and give birth in warm water. They are showing off their skills like proper Olympians; breaching the water to turn and flip over on their backs like circus aerialists in the Sea of Cortez. And even though we can see their fins and spouts from the terrace in our resort, yesterday we boarded two boats to get up close and personal.

I heard one before I saw it. The sound is like an elephant underwater when it surfaces to breathe and trumpet its arrival. We had a baby following our boat and the mama was underneath. It would surface and flip its fin at us as if to say, “Hey guys, want to play?” The marine biologist on the boat gave us a crash course in whale life. Babies weigh about 2,000 lbs and are 12 ft long and put on about a hundred pounds a day nursing! Adults can live 60 years and weigh up to 30 tons. Our baby, she told us, was born last month.

Just when I was about to say we had yet to see a breach – when the whale propels its entire body out of the water – it happened. A bull, most likely the daddy, erupted from the surface and took everyone’s breath away. The show continued with the mama flipping her tail at us.

It was thrilling! Time stood still. Such beautiful, ancient mariners, a paradox of evolution, underwater mammals who must breathe air every 30 minutes, who jump toward the sun in their mating rituals were swimming alongside us.

Ada had never seen whales in their natural habitat, and neither had I. Thank you Ada Flora, for bringing us all here.

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You know that saying, “It’s not about the destination it’s the journey.” Bob and I travel well together. We’ve learned to pack light. And this time, for some odd reason, I was off by a day; all packed and ready to go a day early. This is a good trick for future flights, just fool yourself into thinking you’re leaving tomorrow. Try not to let anyone disabuse you of the facts or your folly.

It was still dark, the sun was getting ready to rise. We were just waiting for our first flight when Bob said, “Look I think that’s Kath over there!” Now I am a ‘mind my own business type of traveler’ and Bob is more of a ‘let’s see who and what everybody else is doing’ type of traveler. So I looked over at the cute blonde he was referring to and said, “That can’t be Kath, she’s all alone – no baby Maze, no husband Matt.”

Then I went back to checking on all the important news in my Facebook feed. And there she was, Kath our famous Cville food blogger with a post of her yellow bag and how little she has to carry without baby in tow. I glanced over and sure enough, it was Kath sitting next to a yellow bag in real life and simultaneously seconds ago in digital life.

She is so sweet. And we chatted up our trips – hers to a dairy conference (first time sans baby), and ours to a 90th birthday celebration for Ada with the entire clan. Yes we are all 19 people arriving at the same place at the same time to watch some amazing wildlife and fete one incredible MIL. The same woman who told me 34 years ago she would always be on my side!

We’re on the second leg of our flight after meeting some good friends in Charlotte. The Love Bug and crew are in transit, after sending me some super airport pictures. Nashville airport is like Disneyland for kids. I’m going to leave our destination up to your imagination, but suffice it to say, this journey continues to surprise me!

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