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Posts Tagged ‘sexual assault’

While I was packing to leave LA, I heard about the Cornell case. It had been the better part of a week without any news, no reading the NYTimes, not even playing Wordle. And I thought wait, isn’t this an old rape allegation; because at my age, memory and deja vu can intertwine with reality. And as it turns out two years ago Jane Doe told campus police she was absolutely sure she was raped. What happened after that is the current story.

According to a survey of students by the Association of American Universities in 2019, over a quarter – one in four – undergraduate women reported experiencing some type of nonconsensual sex, or a sexual act coerced by physical force or because they were unable to consent. At Cornell, the university found that ONE THIRD of its young women said they had “…unwanted sexual experiences.”

The most disturbing three words in the English language came to light as evidence has accumulated of the gang rape that took place at Cornell in October of 2024, “SHOP STILL OPEN?” These words, in a text chain of ChiPhi fraternity brothers in the early morning hours, were captured and are now part of the civil case Jane Doe has filed against seven men, Cornell University, the Chi Phi fraternity, and the Delta Delta Delta sorority.

Because after Cornell’s Title IX board investigated the case two years ago, two men were expelled and the rest were told to write an essay.

Let that sink in. Dear boy, please write us a compelling expository essay on why you felt the need to do what you did, or didn’t do, to Jane Doe on the day in question. Maybe you should have stopped what was going on? Or say, called her sorority sisters to come and get her? What exactly was your part in the gang rape, did you only hold her down? Oh how I would love to read these pieces of creative, fantastical writing, that were probably AI driven, and meant absolutely nothing to the predators.

If you are currently in the business of looking at colleges for your high school children, please take a look at their dire statistics here: https://ope.ed.gov/campussafety/#/

Greek culture on campus has got to go IMHO. Sure maybe they collect money for charities, and sometimes hazing can result in a death here and there, but mostly they are a front for alcohol and drug induced parties. I’ve been to a few in the 60s in Boston, in fact I saw the Byrds sing at one such event across the Charles River at MIT. But remember, in the olden days we had curfews and we lived in same sex dorms. If a girl was late getting back from a party, she was locked out of her building. The MTA actually stopped running after midnight! There were no cell phones to get help. Young women were disposable back then, just as they are now, and if she happened to get pregnant she left school.

I guess with the Hobbs decision things haven’t changed much. And depending on what state you’re in – in NY for example – to bring a rape charge the victim must have been unconscious!?!? This is the Catch 22 of a young woman’s life. How does one know what exactly happened if you are drugged beyond belief and cannot remember? Because if you can remember… you must have wanted it. This is patriarchy in a nutshell. Never mind the bruising, the pain, the numbness, the loss of autonomy.

Jane Doe two days later tells her “friend,” the one boy she initially liked out of the seven, that nothing illegal was going on when he professed he was sorry, before the word got out that she was a “slut.” Before she became a pariah. But isn’t that just like us, women trained to comfort the men in our lives: to continue working with Chief Justice Clarence Thomas after being ‘supposedly’ harassed for years; to keep Chief Justice Brett Kavanaugh’s secret for decades after an ‘alleged’ assault at a high school party. And for that matter, what about Carroll v Trump? E Jean was doubly abused by our Commander in Chief by his defaming lawsuit!

A fish, or a country, rots from the head down. We have got to do better, our government, in academia, and as parents. I have three granddaughters, one is in high school. My grandson is in middle school. Tell them, whisper it or shout it to them, talk about consent. And if you live in one of these 19 states where rape isn’t rape unless you were unconscious, make some good trouble: “Nineteen states have rape or sexual assault laws that consider intoxicated victims to be mentally incapacitated only if they became drunk or drugged without their knowledge or consent.” https://www.pbs.org/newshour/nation/state-laws-on-intoxication-and-consent-get-new-scrutiny-after-cornell-rape-allegations

Found this pic of my starter wedding at 19 in MA, with brother Jim on the right.

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This morning the Bride asked me if I’d heard any news yet today, or was I still blissfully unaware of American politics? Instead of sitting under the Tuscan sun, listening to sheep bells and sipping cappuccino, I was trying to get my Keurig to work while realizing we had no milk in the refrigerator. I know, poor me.

But I had powered up the NYT website on my phone last night and knew that the highly controversial SCOTUS nominee, Judge Brett Kavanaugh, was in trouble for sexually assaulting a 15 year old when he was 17. At first I was confused; how would they delay his hearing until Monday when his accuser would speak? Wasn’t yesterday Monday? Jet lag can be a real problem when you’re on an Air France flight just a short hop from Florence to Paris, and then on to Atlanta for nine hours.

We arrived home in Nashville around 3 am this morning, Italian time. And “Scusa” for a minute, I’ve just returned from T’ai Chi!

But from what I’ve read about this predicament so far, the Republicans are in trouble. Do you remember the woman, Liz Seccuro, who received an apology letter from her rapist 20 years after the fact? It was 2006 and he was a new AA member and was making his amends to people, except this woman had him arrested, and they went to trial in Charlottesville. It was very big UVA news – the rapist went to jail. Fraternity hi-jinks, boys being boys? The victim later told a Cville reporter about that night when she was just 17 in 1984:

“This is what it feels like to die. I’m going to die here, and no one’s going to find me.”

Twenty-one years later, Seccuro tearfully says she knows the truth: “Part of you does die.”

http://www.readthehook.com/98246/cover-i-harmed-you-21-years-12-steps-later-rape-apology-backfires

I remember distinctly the first time I heard that phrase about boys. Some bully had pushed me off my bike In Victory Gardens, I was probably 7 or 8 years old. I broke my leg and spent the summer in a cast. It was the only time Nelly called another mom on the phone and told her “what for,” explaining what had happened.

“Boys will be boys,” the bully’s mother said, and the instant flash of anger I felt, at that moment, is still fresh. My budding realization that life wouldn’t always be fair for girls. The total ignorance, the indecency and hypocrisy of the GOP is mind-numbing today. #MeToo has seen more women than ever running for Congress, and if only Kavanugh withdraws, which I believe he will do before Monday, November is coming…we do NOT need another Anita Hill excoriation next week, nor will we stand for one.

Here is Saint Barbara standing on some guy’s head flanked by John the Baptist and some other dude! On a kinder and gentler note, do we purchase a Keurig or a Nespresso? Ciao!

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I was going to write about my trip to Minnesota. I was going to write about feeling like a kid again with my big brother and sister. I was going to write about minimalism…https://www.netflix.com/title/80114460

“People dedicated to rejecting the American ideal that things bring happiness are interviewed in this documentary showing the virtues of less is more.”

But because of the latest Hollywood scandal involving Harvey Weinstein, my Facebook feed yesterday became a communal confession from friends and family. Women I know and love proclaiming that they too, at one or maybe more times in their lives, had been sexually assaulted. I was sitting in the MN airport at my Nashville gate, feeling the love and courage of these women, and so I typed into my smart phone #MeToo

The first time when I was playing alone in the woods across the street from Nell and Jim’s Victory Garden’s home. I had jerry-rigged a seesaw with a tree trunk and a rock when I looked down the hill to a car that was slowing down. The man had his pants down around his ankles, we locked eyes and he sped off. I used to think that maybe I’d imagined it, because I was too young to understand it.

The second time I was about ten years old. My brother’s friend offered to take me horseback riding. My brother is 7 years older, so he was either 16 0r 17. He picked me up at our house, and I was sitting in front of him on the saddle. I’m literally shaking right now typing this. He exposed himself to me. When I got home I told the Flapper what had happened, she called the police and we went to his house to confront him with his parents sitting there, in the living room.

I think they sent him away because I never saw him again. Thinking back, I learned about courage and honesty from my Mother. I knew something was wrong, I was sobbing. She believed me.

The third time I was a teenager sleeping at a friend’s house, when a guy crawled into the bed. I woke up and asked him what the hell he thought he was doing. He left.

The fourth time I was going for a test ride with a car salesman to buy my very first new car in Jersey City. I was 21, a pre-school teacher in the Fremont Street projects.

I could keep going, but you get the drift. I was never raped, but my innocence was taken away. I was never hit on by a boss, most likely because I worked as a teacher and so my supervisors were always women back in the day. And I credit my beautiful big sister Kay, who was an airline “stewardess,”  for teaching me how to handle touchy-feely guys – you tell them you are flattered, but you’ve (insert the best excuse here for why you don’t want anything to do with them). I learned early to use humor and to flatter a man’s ego, in order to keep his hands off of you.

This Weinstein story, coming on the heels of Bill Cosby, may be the tipping point for this all too common phenomenon. I believe our generation taught our sons to do better, to BE better. To respect women, and honor their wishes.

It’s ironic that I remember walking through an airport, this time in Memphis, while watching Anita Hill testify on TV monitors scattered through the gates. I felt so helpless, like a lone woman in a sea of people who couldn’t care less about her experience. Today we women hold up half the sky, and men are listening.

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