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Posts Tagged ‘Bullying’

Being a Kid

Posted in Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country, Memoir, tagged , , , , , , , , , , on November 22, 2019| Leave a Comment »

Sure, I was bullied as a kid. But that one boy who tripped me up on my bike, when I fell and broke my arm, I got back at him. I pushed an ice cream cone right in his face, and I don’t remember being bullied ever again. Well, except by a teacher.

Over sushi I was telling the Grands about Catholic school. How we had to sit still with our hands folded in front of us all the time. One teacher made me stand in the corner for half a day, luckily she didn’t have a dunce hat. “Why,” they wanted to know.

“Because I was talking to a boy!”

And I swear, we all broke out in belly laughs. One of the worst moments in my young life seemed pretty comical now. I mean shaming a child, it just doesn’t compute or translate well in today’s world, or maybe it does?

I’ve been having an ‘on and off’ conversation with the Love Bug and the L’il Pumpkin about “bad people” ever since someone stole my wallet while we were having lunch at Panera. What should we do if we have to confront a bad person. Their parents have been telling them that everybody is good, that you turn and walk away from a confrontation, and I get that. You don’t want to color their young minds with horror stories – and yet, they already hate Mr T cause, well, we ALL do.

I was thinking about this after the Democratic debates in Atlanta. I was surprised at how much I like Andrew Yang. He seemed to be the only authentic person up on that stage, like he was talking to me. When he spoke about looking our kids and Grands in the eye, and leaving them a better future, when he shared that he had an autistic child, when he talked about keeping America safe:

While it was well into the debate before Yang spoke, his answers about some of the threats to American society once again, brought new ideas to the debate stage. Artificial intelligence, which he’s mentioned in previous debates, is a future threat that must be taken seriously. And setting up something like a WTO (World Trade Organization) for data? His ingenuity was astounding. Bold ideas suit Yang well — and, when well thought out and pragmatic, they get high points in a debate.  https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/21/opinions/buttigieg-yang-stole-the-show-debate-opinion-graham/index.html

A WTO for Data?!?! I mean, AI is coming, along with the Russians and China, and will we be ready for it? Then the Rocker sent me an article about Yang;  “As President, I will establish a Department of the ATTENTION Economy,” https://www.cnn.com/2019/11/18/perspectives/andrew-yang-technology/index.html

He wants to study what social media is doing to our kids. It’s like “Back to the Future,” will they become (expletive) or something? My kids didn’t have smart phones growing up, tech was in its infancy, email was a new thing. And the Grands don’t have a tablet or phone or anything YET; but they DO use tablets in school and see everyone else around them staring down into their hands. The Love Bug recently asked her Dad if they could have a “Device-Free” day because she’d heard about this from her teachers.

A young mind can become addicted faster than our old brains want to believe. And social media is simply another method for bullies to do what they do best – shame and humiliate. A 12 year old girl in Nashville just committed suicide after being bullied mercilessly. How many “followers” do you have? Did you see that picture of so-and-so on Insta?

Remember how inadequate you felt your Freshman year in high school?  Well, add a few years of comparing yourself to others on top of that. I walked straight outta Catholic school into a public high school, and was lucky to find a bunch of nerdy, pre-college kids to welcome me.

Running around the neighborhood on my bike was pretty care-free in comparison to today, even if a bully thought he could hurt me, I didn’t let him define me. I got even. My not-so-polite message is not to run away from a fight, not to make excuses for someone’s bad behavior. My Grands will eventually meet up with a real “bad person,” they will eventually have a smart phone in their hands or maybe a piece of Borg machinery hard-wired directly into their skulls.

Should we employ algorithms to cap a child’s screen time per day, or just boot them out the door to play? We are experiencing a “GLOBAL epidemic” of childhood inactivity, what do you think? https://www.bbc.com/news/health-50466061

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A Delicate Balance

Posted in Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country, Public Policy, tagged , , , , , , on August 4, 2017| Leave a Comment »

Last weekend, as we were rolling into our new home in Nashville, we heard about the death of Mayor Meghan Barry’s only child Max. Her son died of an overdose at the age of 22 in Colorado. I have to give Mayor Barry credit for being honest and open about his death; drug addiction is an insidious disease, an equal opportunity killer. Too often parents feel shame regarding this issue, and the stigma only grows in the dark.

Bob has always said, “There are no fifty year old addicts.”

“Our family would greatly appreciate your thoughts and prayers, and would respectfully ask for privacy as we mourn the loss of our child and begin to understand a world without his laughter and love in our lives,” the Mayor said in a statement.

Almost every American family has been touched by this epidemic. If you don’t have a family member who is suffering or recovering, you most certainly will know someone who does. And when I told the Bride about Meghan Barry’s tragedy, she was shocked and saddened. They met at a medical conference just last year and she has a lot of respect for the Mayor. .

My daughter is currently on a beach vacation and not in Nashville, so lucky for her she’s been media-free. She asked if it was opioids and I didn’t know; the fact is an addiction is an addiction, is an addiction. Heroin, pills, alcohol? In my mind, your drug of choice is secondary to the disease. Although politicians would like to blame the current opioid crisis on the health system, I think we need to dig deeper.

While we were discussing the rain in Florida and the grandbabies, the Bride told me about a book she’s reading, “The Gifts of Imperfection,” by Brene Brown. The author is a story teller and a researcher, her area of interest is what makes a person’s life authentic? And what does shame have to do with it? To reference my previous post – how does one remain real in this world?

“Participants who were living “amazing and inspiring lives” reported embracing imperfection and vulnerability and being grateful and authentic. As Brown writes, they talked about these things “in a way that was completely new to me.” These participants were living life and loving with their whole hearts.”

Before you tell me this sounds like a jewelry commercial, think about it for awhile. Once you have a child, you will become as vulnerable as a newly hatched soft shell crab. You will wake to a whimper, sit up all night with a fever, and foolishly try to shield your child from the rough parts of life. If you had a child who had to learn from his own mistakes, you know what I mean. But protecting a child too much can interfere with their growth. It’s a delicate balance, parenting.

Brown talks about cultivating three things –  courage, compassion and connection. Once we send our children off to school, these qualities may become elusive in our Kardashian culture. I just heard of parents in NJ who are suing a school system for not addressing the bullying their daughter was receiving. Instagram and Snapchat were weaponized by her peers. The 12 year old girl eventually killed herself. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/08/02/after-months-of-bullying-a-12-year-old-new-jersey-girl-killed-herself-her-parents-blame-the-school/?utm_term=.ffbf01eb5a92

This was SIXTH grade, in the town right next to our hometown.

I don’t know if Max Barry was bullied in school. I don’t even know if he suffered from a mental illness. But I can tell you this parents, if you keep those lines of communication open, if you can manage to stay connected to your children, they might just stand a chance. Disconnect from your cell phones and don’t worry about being the “perfect parent,” there is no such thing.

And have courage if your firstborn is starting Kindergarten this month!  IMG_1031

 

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Judge Not

Posted in Books, Journaling, Wedding, Country, tagged , , , , on May 15, 2012| 3 Comments »

We all have our defining moments. I’m sure Jung, Freud and Dr Phil have a word for them, those watershed episodes in our histories that help to forge our collective character. And for many of us, high school was the battlefield for our very souls. I came straight out of Sacred Heart elementary school into a public high school and found my safe center, my clique with the drama club. You can’t tell me that you don’t remember the “pranks” you pulled, I won’t believe you. I distinctly remember a rumor was started about me, although I don’t really remember what it was about. I just knew it wasn’t true, and found out who started it.

One day during a play rehearsal in the auditorium, I saw the girl who started the rumor in the darkened audience. I walked down the stage stairs and over to her, and as I’m typing this I can feel my heart start racing a little. I stood so close to her I could smell her breath, it smelled like tuna fish. I told her in a very strong, loud voice, “If you have something to say to me, then SAY IT TO MY FACE!” She looked sick, and started backing away from me as if I’d struck her but I hadn’t touched her at all. This may sound lame today, but believe me back in the early 60s girls never raised their voices. It wasn’t ladylike. I felt good, in fact I felt better than good. The Flapper had taught me well. It was an early defining moment for me.

So I have to think that Mitt is lying, just out and out shook up his Etch-a-Sketch and wants to start over. How does one forget holding another boy down on the ground with a group and cutting off his hair? Granted Mitt may not have known he was a gay kid, because back then we didn’t even know about gay kids, or adults for that matter, but he saw him as “different,” as a victim and pounced. And we might forgive him for his teenage testosterone temper; but for acting like he can’t remember the incident, for lying? I think not. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kerry-kennedy/mitt-romney-bullying-human-rights_b_1514273.html?ref=new-york

Today’s news from Richmond is that in the dead of night (actually 1 am this morning) the GOP leadership overwhelmingly voted to reject nominating its special Prosecutor Tracy Thorne-Begland for a judgeship.
http://www2.timesdispatch.com/news/virginia-politics/2012/may/15/12/house-of-delegates-rejects-thorne-begland-for-judg-ar-1914948/

Why? Because he’s gay, and would have been the first openly gay judge elected in Virginia.

Now we all know these things are usually pre-approved and are only given up to the House of Delegates for a symbolic vote, so something went wrong in our state last night.
“The rejection of Mr. Thorne-Begland shows that discrimination based on sexual orientation is alive and well in Virginia,” Del. Mark D. Sickles, D-Fairfax, said in a statement after the vote in the House of Delegates. “And, it shows that legislators are more concerned about the Family Foundation scorecard than Richmond’s District Court.”

What really bothers me – “Ten Republican delegates abstained and 26 delegates, including a handful of Democrats, did not vote.” So we have a bunch of scared people over in Richmond, like those who would stand by and watch someone being humiliated for fear of retaliation. And this leaves me with a sick taste in my mouth. Cowardly is not an adjective I associate with leadership. We need to make our voices heard this November Virginia, it’s going to be another defining moment. We may need to shout!

In this picture in my old kitchen, I’ve just received a graduate degree in education. I was serving as a member of the Rumson High School Board of Education, dealing with pranks among many other things. The Bride was in college and the Rocker was a high school Freshman. He is already taller than us…it seems like ages ago, and yesterday.

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